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Holiday Guide 2009

With the exception of the lonely and those in serious need of cash, no one wants to work Christmas. You're supposed to be at home with the family tearing into presents, shoving pie into your piehole and reflecting on the birth of the baby Jesus. You are not supposed to do the 9-to-5 boogie like it was some random Tuesday in June.

But there are a few, proud, honorable people who step up and clock in so your needs can be met. There's the bartender who will help erase your seasonal sorrows for a few happy hours; the paramedic who will show up and thump on your chest if your heart stops making merry; the animal control officer who will haul off that sick-looking raccoon preventing your kid from riding her new bike in the backyard; the stripper who'll gladly provide the illusion of intimacy for the low price of a couple of bills in her G-string; the cooks who bring you a taste of Jolly Old England; the nurse who will help pull the carving knife out of your foot.

They're all holiday heroes. Raise a toast to them this Christmas, because they can't until their shifts are over.

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