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;"You are going to be so ; boooooored," a city staffer breezes by with half a smile on her face. Indeed.


;Three weeks since the last dais dialogue and one would think that the City Beautiful might have blossomed some gorgeous spring fruit. Instead, the drowsy affair kicked off with an awards presentation (as usual), only this time it was largely in Japanese for the gaggle of 14 middle- and high-school students from our sister city of Urayasu, Japan. There was discussion of some Little League baseball in which the Japanese outperformed our Little Leaguers (take that, World War II), some awkward bowing and even translation earpieces.


;Newsflash! Buddy Dyer met with Vince McMahon in Connecticut, securing the WWE Wrestlemania 24 to blow up right here in Orlando! "We were very fortunate to land that," he said demurely.


;Were we ever.


;Item: The city approves a declaration of official intent to reimburse capital expenditures from proceeds of bonds issued by the city relating to the community venues.

;;Translation: So, say you're borrowing some money — like $760 million — from your rich gay uncle to build a cute terra cotta dog house and a wicker gazebo and to add a few extra feet to your vine-covered pergola. You want your uncle to know that you're going to make good on your payback. In fact, according to sections 103 through 150 of the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 (not to mention the IRS regulations finalized in 1993), the government wants to know that you intend to make good, too. Perfunctory legalities, then, for the construction of the renovated Citrus Bowl, the events center and the Orlando Performing Arts Center. God, aren't we there yet?


;Item: The city accepts the minutes of the Public Art Advisory Board meeting from Jan. 8, 2007.

;;Translation: In what must have been a scintillating afternoon tea meeting that commenced at 3:10 p.m., chaired by Kimberly Bowles, topics such as what art will be allowed at the VUE condominiums, the price for the pedestals of the winsome "Family of Acrobats" sculpture ($9,050), previous discussions with District 3 commissioner Robert Stuart about a coffee-table book and a student photo contest, and a future meeting at the Citrus Club were hashed out. Terry Olson from Orange County Arts & Cultural Affairs arrived at precisely 4:07 p.m., in time for the decision that the Albin Polasek sculpture, "Man Carving His Own Destiny," should remain downtown. The meeting was adjourned at 4:15 p.m., which means Olson only had to waste eight minutes. Lucky.


;Item: The city approves the purchase, from Cemen Tech Inc., of one CSP-50 Lime Stabilization System for the Iron Bridge Regional Water Reclamation Facility.

;;Translation: What marketing genius would leave the "t" off "cement" in naming his/her lime stabilization company? Phonetically speaking, "Cemen" is gross. As is unstable lime. Still, that stuff is costing the city $359,079.


;Item: The city approves the purchase, from Pat's Pump and Blower, of two sewer-cleaning trucks.

;;Translation: Again with the naming! We don't care what Pat gets up to on his/her own time, but when he/she is milking the city for $398,408 of our tax dollars, swimming around in our shit, we expect Pat to be on the job, pumping and blowing on behalf of the taxpayers.


;Item: The city approves a stipulated final judgment for attorney's fees, expert's fees and costs for the Humphries Avenue project as it pertains to Linda's La Cantina.

;;Translation: Back in July of 2004, the city acquired parcels 101 and 701 by eminent domain to make improvements to Humphries Avenue, which connects Colonial Drive to Baldwin Park. The problem was that adjacent to all of this future construction was the thriving early-bird-friendly steakhouse Linda's La Cantina. ;A previous settlement had the city paying Linda's $450,000, predominantly for business damages. But Linda's, which had already burnt down once and was in no mood for trifling, lobbied for an additional $139,485 in attorney's fees, expert's fees and costs from the city. Heated negotiations — the kind that might take place over the signature fire pit in the restaurant's bar area — resulted in Linda's accepting a $109,751 settlement. Government pork? How about some steak!

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