Premieres Wednesday, Dec. 8:
Carolin Kebekus: The Last Christmas Special — You know the holiday season is really underway when a German stand-up comic materializes in your stream, telling you everything that weirds her out about Christmas. Advent calendars and hangovers are two topics she promises to cover, although speaking for the Western Hemisphere, I'd say that "Krampus" warrants a mention. (Netflix)
Welcome to Earth — Once it was his catchphrase in a cheeseball flick about an alien invasion; now it's the title of Will Smith's oh-so-serious six-part documentary (made in conjunction with National Geographic and Darren Aronofsky, no less) that reveals the natural wonders of our planet. Please tell me Bruce Willis isn't prepping a limited series on the history of the Second Amendment titled Now I Have a Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho. (Disney+)
Premieres Thursday, Dec. 9:
And Just Like That ... — Grab yourself a cosmo and get ready to learn what's happened to Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda in the two decades since Sex and the City. A beguiling medley of Hepatitis C and Herpes Simplex II, one would imagine. As for Samantha, she isn't a part of the reboot, on account of she was already 80 back then and she's dead. (HBO Max)
Asakusa Kid — This biopic about legendary Japanese comic actor/writer/director "Beat" Takeshi Kitano traces his humble beginnings on the Tokyo club scene of the 1960s. Hey, maybe we'll learn what weirds him out about Christmas. (Netflix)
Death Valley — In what I'm taking as a metaphor for the times we live in, mercenaries embark upon a rescue mission to save a scientist from a supernatural monster that wants her dead. OK, so Sean Hannity isn't technically supernatural, but try telling him that poor Dr. Fauci just wants you to cover your mouth when you cough! (Shudder)
The Real Housewives of the North Pole — If you thought you knew how many binge-watching genres could be mashed up into a single film, guess again. Here comes a comedy about cutthroat holiday decorating that features alumni from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and ... Breaking Bad, of all things. This ain't no white Christmas; it's blue, bitch! (Peacock)
Summer Camp Island — Season 5 of the whimsically whacked-out animated hit will delve into the power of emotions, including the magic properties of tears and the propensity of memories and regrets to come out as ghosts when you burp. Hey, if that's all true, my house is going to be the epicenter of creation on New Year's Eve. (HBO Max)
Premieres Friday, Dec. 10:
Aranyak — A Bengali thriller was the source material for this seven-episode series about a lady cop who has to solve a murder in a mysterious forest. Too bad it isn't set on Summer Camp Island, because then she could just fart her way to an epiphany or something. (Netflix)
Dafne and the Rest — Spain is the source of a comedy-drama series about 30-somethings in Madrid who are discovering that life isn't what they had expected. Yeah, that definitely sounds like the sort of strange and foreign perspective we need to import. (HBO Max)
How to Ruin Christmas: The Funeral — Last year's three-episode South African series How to Ruin Christmas: The Wedding gets a follow-up that covers the next logical stage in human development. Can't wait for 2022's How to Really Ruin Christmas: The Amateur Autopsy. (Netflix)
Saturday Morning All Star Hits! — SNL's Kyle Mooney plays a dual role as a couple of ersatz Nelson brothers who conduct a satirical tour through the detritus of late-20th-century kids programming. Why Kyle Mooney? Because Kenan Thompson is getting actual work. Remember, knowing is half the battle. (Netflix)
Snoopy Presents: For Auld Lang Syne — Trying to live up to those pesky resolutions and being separated from relatives are just two of the New Year's dilemmas the Peanuts gang face in their latest special. Come on over to my place, kids; me and the gang from Summer Camp Island are gonna get blotto and puke up a big-ass cup of kindness. (Apple TV+)
Twentysomethings: Austin — You know that one town in Texas you'd kind of consider living in, maybe? Well, a lot of other people feel the same way, including the octet of young folk who are the stars of this reality series. Its working title was Roaring Twenties, but apparently nobody in the target audience could be counted on to get that reference whatsoever. (Which means a lot of wasted product placement for the show's official sponsor, 23andMe Skidoo.) (Netflix)
Premieres Tuesday, Dec. 14:
The Future Diary — And if all this week's talk about New Year's has made you feel hopeless for your future, take solace in this reboot of a Japanese reality show from two decades ago. Maybe sometime in 2022, somebody will ask you to appear in a series with a total stranger and play out a romance that's been written for both of you in advance. What's that, you say? The very concept flies in the face of both "reality programming" and free will? Hey, with that attitude, you'll be lucky to have a cameo in Season 3 of Tiger King. (Netflix)
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