my ass been murdered!

So the makers of the aforementioned â??Ass Murdering Hot Sauceâ?� and â??Chokâ??On Dis Blazinâ?? Glazeâ?� contacted me yesterday after yesterdayâ??s snark-filled post on their products. Todd Ross e-mailed me offering samples of the sauce for me to try, but promised â??I will leave you alone as requestedâ?� if I wasnâ??t interested. (Points for playing along!)

Iâ??m kind of a sissy when it comes to hot peppers, but our own T.I. Fraser stepped up and offered up his â?? or his sandwichâ??s â?? ass to be murdered. Full report after the jump.


I have tasted of the Ass Murder, which is to say, Ass Murdering Hot Sauceâ?¢ from Deltona-company Bisummo (see below post). Before I fill you, oh, hungry reader, in on the experience, let me first explain my criteria:

With hot sauce, the goal, of course, is to find a happy medium between flavor and heat. Again, thatâ??s the goal, but often a company finds itself pushed toward one or the other. The taste buds that register heat tend to overwhelm all else when they are overwhelmed. Thus, if someone wants me to get the nuances of their Berry Honey Iguana Spit or whatever, they need to keep it under 50,000 on the Scoville scale. If, however, they just want to see me cry and pray for death (see: Scorned Woman, the City of New Orleans, the Vietnamese, my wife, etc.), then theyâ??re really moving into a realm of chemistry and away from the culinary.

I argue that anytime you include habaneros in your recipe, you are pushing toward the later. Habaneros are rough, unnecessary beasts, only serving to up the braggadocio claims of those who eat them. But Iâ??m wrong. Ass Murdering throws them in (though they are toward the end of the ingredient list, as Bisummo seems to rely on the far more subtle jalapeno and serrano peppers), yet the sauce is still tasty.

Is it hot? Yes. Hot enough to ruin a meal? Oh, God yes. I wouldnâ??t recommend either slathering or dumping with this sauce. I poured a thin line on my sandwich (just bread, muenster cheese and a couple of slices of very mild pepperoni) and it was enough to make the last few bites a test. However, it has a lovely citrus and mustard (wine term ahead) bouquet. Feel free to lightly murder the ass of your next shrimp poâ??boy.

Of course, they didnâ??t win the award for flavor. They won it for their label, which shows a dead cartoon donkey lying on someoneâ??s grave and insults the consumer with a warning label that reads, â??CAUTION: For all of those mental giants that canâ??t readily surmise that the contents of this bottle are hot from the big, bright name on the label; it is hot and you should avoid contact with eyes as well as other sensitive areas.â?� But good enough.

Full disclosure: I wound up not finishing the last bite of my sandwich, but because my stomach hurt, not my mouth. And I am nowhere near as eloquently versed in foodie knowledge as I tried to pretend here. I had to wiki a lot.

â?? T.I. Fraser