Drowning in cleavage

Cue Enya music. Imagine that you're floating, buoyant, held aloft by the placid, pacifying calm of cool, soothing water. OK, now imagine it's just your breasts hovering around like that.

That's the principle behind the Water Bra, which shoots for the same enhancing effect as the Wonderbra. Water trapped inside the garment is strategically placed for that push-'em-up-and-shove-'em-together emphasis.

Since this seemed to be one of the stupidest sartorial concepts ever invented, I had to try it. The first notable thing is that the water pouches make it feel like there are already a couple of little breasts in there. The logic seems to be that you'll look like twice the woman you are.

It works. The water bra elevates so masterfully you'd think you had some scaffolding installed in there. "Buoyant" is the only word for it.

And buoyant will be the effect you inspire in others. The cleavage this thing creates is pretty spectacular. I don't tend to seek out exaggerating underwear. I'm a D-cup and there is such a thing as overkill.

Floating on the Lake Titicacas of the Water Bra, I found myself gazing at a movie-star bust line so pronounced it was alarming. I could have entered a room a full 30 seconds before anyone saw my face. If you want to be propped up like a Macy's parade balloon, this accessory is for you.

There is the danger of getting stuck with a pin. But who are you hanging around with, that they might stick your breast with a pin?

The Water Bra runs about $37; it might have you floating easily through the summer. It won't make you feel any cooler. It could make you look hooter. Hotter. Sorry.

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