The kids are alright

On Jan. 13, musician Pete Townshend was arrested on suspicion of possessing and making child pornography. Townshend admitted using a credit card to download kiddie porn from the Internet, but only to help research his autobiography, which will deal in part with sexual abuse he vaguely recalls having suffered as a youth. Images he found on the web, Townshend says, have "informed" his book. He denies that he is a pedophile.

Rock fans of all ages agree:

There's never been a songwriter and performer more powerful than the genius behind The Who.

Thrill to his enduring legacy one more time on K-Tel's brand-new, three-CD collection,

Who's Legal: The Very Best of Pete Townshend!

Just take a listen to this timeless classic:

And now my nights ain't quite so lonely
In fact, I don't feel bad at all

Pictures of Larry
Made my life so wonderful
Pictures of Larry
Helped me sleep at night

Yes, it doesn't matter where you were when Pete's music came into your life. Whether you were enrolled in kindergarten or merely parked outside, you knew right away it was an experience you'd always remember. Never before had the simple quality of youth sounded so dangerous. So stylish. So photogenic!

"Who's Legal" brings you all the greatest hits of that halcyon era, including:

My Degeneration
Any Age, Anyhow, Anywhere

A Quick One While He's Away (At Soccer Camp)

But that's not all!
If you order within the next hour, you'll be automatically signed up for our FanAlert system. Just tell us your e-mail address, and we'll notify you the minute Pete announces a tour, enters the recording studio or tries to move into your neighborhood!

And while you're patiently waiting by your iMac or bedroom window, you'll be basking in the glory of immortal tracks like these:

Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do
But there ain't no cure for the summer-school blues

The digital remastering and intricate packaging of this recorded treasure trove are truly state-of-the-art. A 16-page, full-color booklet lets you read along as the '60s kick into gear and rock grows up, with Pete always leading the way. Listen to him take the music to new heights of artistry and pedophilia in songs like:

Stickball Wizard
Won't Get Fondled Again

See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Subpoena Me

But "Who's Legal" isn't just the soundtrack to a generation; it's a priceless opportunity to research your own autobiography. When it came time to document his personal history of abuse, Pete didn't depend on the faded detail of his fuzzy memories. No, he let the fetishistic imagery of a depraved commercial culture do his remembering for him! Follow the master's example by allowing Who's Legal to fill in the gaps of your own poignant, probably fabricated memoirs. Watch the painful recollections come flooding back as your speakers shake to this irresistible anthem:

Don't cry
Don't raise your eye
It's only preteen wasteland

This comprehensive music library covers every chapter in Pete's history-making career. An entire disc harvests the Who hymns and solo recordings of the so-called "later period." These are tracks that were committed to tape after the tragic death of Keith Moon, but before Ricky Schroeder started to shave. You'll hear:

You Bed-wetter, You Bet
Empty Juice Box and Let My Love Open the Door (To Your Fort)

The value doesn't stop there.

If you order in the next 15 minutes, you'll be sent a fourth disc -- at no extra charge! As a thank-you for your prompt purchase, we'll include a complimentary copy of Roger Daltrey's latest solo album, "Remember Me? I'm the One Who's Not Dead or Crazy."

In his first howling broadside to the world, Pete said he hoped he'd die before he got old. That didn't happen, and the world was the better for it. In the ensuing 40 years, Mr. Townshend has taught us that you're never too old to rock. This great CD set proves that you're never too young, either.

To order, call 1-800-WHO-PERV
Or send $49.95 to:
Who's Legal
Box 1336
Radio City Station
New York, NY 10012

And if you order before I finish this sentence, you'll receive an 8x10 color glossy of Haley Joel Osment performing a squat-thrust absolutely free!

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