Single R seeks same

It's official, ladies. Your U.S. congressman is a bachelor.

On March 5, Ric Keller and wife Cathleen were granted a divorce in Orange County district court, just shy of their 11th wedding anniversary.

No reason was listed in the divorce petition. But in a settlement agreement filed last month, the Kellers said marriage counseling didn't work. They still maintain mutual respect for one another, agreed both were fine parents and parted "with integrity and sadness."

Perspective suitors should note that Keller, a two-term Republican, still has plenty of money, even after the $4,500 he agreed to pay monthly in child support and alimony. That leaves about $4,000 each month, after taxes, to spend on wining and dining bachelorettes. And Keller has lots of free time; he shares custody of his two kids with the ex.

Despite the divorce, Keller, 38, considers himself an old-fashioned conservative. His likes include tax cuts and homeland security. His dislikes include the French, and the San Francisco federal court that ruled school children didn't have to repeat "under God" when reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.

Act fast, ladies. Politicking can be lonely business. Two months ago Keller's website showed a picture of the congressman with wife and the kids on the beach. He looked so happy and content. Today, Keller's website shows him hugging FEMA Director Joe Allbaugh, or receiving an endorsement from John Park of the Central Florida Police Benevolent Association. That's no replacement for the tender affections only a wife can provide.

So if you keep a clean appearance and share the congressman's wholesome values, call his local office at (407) 447-0905. His next election is November 2004. He needs all the loving and public attention he can get between now and then.

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