Savage Love

I'm a mostly gay male with a boyfriend who is also mostly gay. We are into BDSM — we are both tops and sometimes play with other sub men. I say we are "mostly" gay because we do like to fuck/top submissive women once in a while. We haven't done this a lot, and never together because we don't have the same taste in women — until recently. One of our new neighbors, a straight female, is very shy, but she's opened up to us about her interest in BDSM. We took her to a play party, and she was okay watching others play, but any time anyone expressed an interest in her, she clammed up and withdrew.

We are interested in propositioning her. Our dilemma is in how to approach someone so gun-shy. We want to seduce her into the experience and not make her uncomfortable, but we can't agree as to how to go about it. We think the reason she has been so open with us is because she assumes we are both 100 percent gay.

Two Guys And A Girl Toy

She meets two guys who live together, have presumably noisy BDSM sex, and identify themselves as gay. I'm sure you can appreciate why your neighbor might assume you two were gay, right? And that assumption convinced her it was safe to open up to you guys about her sexual interests because she further assumed, entirely reasonably, that you guys didn't wanna stick your dicks in her.

The sooner you come clean, the likelier you are to get into her pants, mouth, ass, twat, etc. Do not attempt to be seductive. Putting the moves on her now could transform a minor and perhaps unwitting violation of her trust into a relationship-ending violation. Instead, just be, um, straight with her.

I read with interest the letter from the guy who hacked his ex-girlfriend's e-mail and discovered that she had been cheating on him. I am a single, thirtysomething female who has been having a long-term affair with a married man. We have one rule: We tell one another if and when we fool around with other people. About a year ago, I discovered another affair he was involved in, which he failed to disclose to me. I discovered it because he left his e-mail unattended. He was not apologetic, and I ended up being the one who begged for forgiveness for invading his privacy. I recently discovered that he has struck up a fresh correspondence with this same woman. I gained this knowledge by invading his privacy again — this time by outright hacking his e-mail.

We have amazing sex and enjoy the same kinks. It is difficult to find someone trustworthy to engage in these activities with. But how can I trust anything he says anymore? He broke our rules. Do you think I am out of line in confronting him?

Mistress Is Pissed

According to the "Mistress, whining about being cheated on" listing in the Association of American Advice Columnists' Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Staggeringly Self-Serving Bullshit, I'm supposed to slap the shit out of you, MIP. That strikes me as a little harsh. So I'll go with this instead: You can't expect a guy to take your rules more seriously than he takes his vows.

The last time you confronted him about another other-woman, MIP, you wound up begging for his forgiveness. So let's skip the confrontation and accept reality: Unless you're willing to dump the motherfucker, he's going to go on cheating on you and lying to you about it, rules or no rules. Accept it or get out.

I have a question and don't know who else to ask: I need support under my scrotum in order to ejaculate. I am 52 years old, and this condition has gotten worse as I have gotten older. When I am having intercourse, I need a position that supports or raises my scrotum, and when I masturbate, I need to put something under it. Is there a solution to make intercourse easier?

This Old Scrote

Before I touch on your sack, TOS, I'd like to briefly touch on George Rekers's.

Rekers is a towering figure in the religious right. He's the cofounder of the Family Research Council; a member of the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, a group that claims it can cure homosexuality; and the go-to guy for "expert" testimony about how gay people threaten and endanger children. And last week, Rekers got busted coming back from a European vacation with a 20-year-old male escort he found on Rekers told two reporters from the Miami New Times that he "can't lift luggage," so what other choice did he have but to hire a 20-year-old with an eight-inch cock?

To mark the downfall of yet another crazy and hypocritical closet case, I propose that "whatever floats your boat" be immediately permanently retired in favor of "whatever lifts your luggage." Help spread the meme.

Back to you, TOS: First, talk about this with a doc — get your sack examined and your prostate checked. Some guys have large, loose sacks and sensitive balls, and the slap, slap, slap of intercourse or masturbation can be uncomfortable, and lifting your luggage spares you. Alternately, TOS, let's not forget that your dick, balls, sack, and taint compose one big erogenous zone. Lifting your luggage may provide you with added stimulation. So instead of viewing your need for a ball lift as a problem that needs solving, why not view it as the solution to a problem. Or to put it another way …

Whatever lifts your luggage, TOS, whatever lifts your luggage.

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