May 7, 2:14 a.m.: In this case, our victim was doing nothing more than walking down the 1200 block of Cypress Street when two suspects came and grabbed his brown mink purse, valued at $15 (!?). The victim described the perps as a young black male, about 19 years old, wearing a black T-shirt and army pants, and a heavyset black male, about 22, wearing a brown T-shirt, jeans and a black hat.

"In a sworn written statement the victim advised he did not give anyone permission to snatch his purse," the police report notes.


May 8, 6:06 a.m.: A 34-year-old man arrived at his workplace on the 2000 block of East Robinson Street to find the rear door "smashed in," causing $250 in damage. He conducted an inventory and, according to Officer Barrett's report, "he discovered a total station, which is an architectural laser measuring device, along with case, was missing."

Sounds expensive. Just the words "architectural laser" are worth at least $5k, right? The total estimated cost of the stolen property is actually about $7,500. Either the perp is going to start his own architecture business, or he's that annoying guy
at the movie
theater dancing the red dot on the screen.


May 8, 8:43 a.m.: The 39-year-old victim stated, according to officer Yuhas' report, that someone broke into her doggy day-care business between 8:30 p.m. May 7 and 6:30 a.m. May 8. How'd the perp(s) get in? By climbing over the fence or, more likely, through the unlocked gate. Once inside the compound, the perp(s) "used an unknown force to push open the door." Then they headed for the owner's office and rummaged through her desk and a storage area before they found their score: A donation jar for the American Red Cross, from which the suspect(s) pilfered approximately $6.

You go, gangsta(s)! Seems the perp(s) needed the money more than the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Which is worse, stealing $6 from a charity or causing $100 in damage to get to it?


May 9, 5:43 a.m.: Officer Studer responded to an alarm and arrived at the T-Mobile store on the 4600 block of East Colonial Drive to find the leavings of some very determined suspect(s): After getting through the front door, the perp(s) pried open an interior door to the business and then bent a metal cage door away to gain access to a fresh batch of new cell phones. Total damage caused getting to the phones: $500. The perp(s) scooped up 33 phones in all (13 Motorola Razrs valued at $4,290 and 20 Samsung T809s valued at $7,600). But they didn't make a clean getaway; according to the report, "It appears that the suspect(s) injured themselves … there were a couple of drops of blood on the floor and on one of the chairs."

May 9, 11:50 a.m.: Officer Mercado responded to the First Unitarian Church of Orlando on the 1900 block of East Robinson Street in reference to a commercial burglary. The church hosts a 12-step program for Alcoholics Anonymous in Classroom 17, which is located in building 1901-B (note to self). Our 44-year-old complainant failed to inspect the northwest corner of the room when letting the plumber in to do some repairs. Not until the members of the group began to arrive for their meeting was it discovered that someone had tried to crack to the safe in that room … with a screwdriver.

According to officer Mercado's report: "It appears the unknown person(s) entered the fenced-in locked property, by unknown means, and at an unknown point of entry. There were no signs of forced entry to any of the windows or door."

How'd the wannabe safe-cracker get in? Probably through an open door. Oops. In any case, the perp(s) weaved and wormed into the building undetected, only to go at the safe with a screwdriver, causing $390 worth of damage to the safe and leaving the screwdriver jammed in the door. But this cat burglar is no fool. "The unknown person(s) entered the restroom, grabbed a paper towel and wiped the screwdriver handle, leaving the piece of paper towel on the ground," the police report notes. D'oh!

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