Aug. 25, 10:15 A.M.: Officer Esan responded to a vacant warehouse in the 9000 block of Boggy Creek Road in reference to a commercial burglary. She met with our complainant, who stated for the report that "he was on the property on Aug. 24 at 1 p.m. and noticed nothing out of place. `The complainant` stated that he could not be sure if the rear doors to the warehouse were secured or not."

It appears when our 50-year-old complainant/maintenance man arrived to work at 10:14 a.m. Aug. 25 he found one of the warehouse doors open, but nothing was disturbed. Well, almost nothing: The door had pry marks near the deadbolt, doorknob and frame, but none of the damage appeared to be new. There was also fingerprint powder peppered inside the pry marks and on the interior and exterior and outside the door. The officer checked police logs for reports on recent burglaries at the establishment, but found none. Eldritch.

The officer's report continues, "Upon having `the complainant` fill out a written statement, he then stated that he was sure the doors were secured because he walked the perimeter of the building," reports state. An inside job? Probably not; just a guy trying to keep his job. Estimated damage to the door: $100.

Aug. 25, 1:05 P.M.: Our 22-year-old victim was riding his bicycle down the 1700 block of Gammon Lane when "an early-'90s model Pontiac Bonneville, gold in color, cut him off," reports state. The driver and passenger hopped out; the passenger brandished what looked like a .22 caliber pistol and pointed it at the victim, demanding his money and jewelry; at the same time the driver searched the victim and rifled through his pockets.

Though the suspects found no money, they snatched the cyclist's "gold long necklace with a Jesus head medallion, a gold bracelet also with a Jesus head medallion and a gold pinky ring," reports state. After pilfering the victim's gear, the suspects sped off west toward Erin Avenue. Total estimated value of stolen property: $1,500.

Officer Bledsoe was dispatched when the victim contacted police. The driver was described as a 20-year-old male, approximately 5 feet, 9 inches tall, weighing 150 pounds, wearing a white tank top. The passenger was described as a male, approximately 20 years of age, with a big Afro, approximately 5 feet, 9 inches tall, weighing 150 pounds and wearing a black tank top, reports state. A third perp sat in the back seat during the incident. Think you can save Jesus? You could get $1,000 by calling tips into Crimeline at 1-800-423-8477.

Aug. 26, 8:46 P.M.: In the 40 block of West Church Street, a 22-year-old complainant was preparing libations for the evening's festivities when he happened upon a couple of juveniles sporting baseball batting gloves trying to score some Heinies: "As `the complainant` walked into the back where the beer is stored, he witnessed two black male juveniles standing there. One was carrying a case of Heineken beer and said, ‘Oh shit!' and both males ran out the back into the alley." "Oh shit" indeed.

The complainant ran after them and found that there were more accomplices in the alley waiting for the two who were inside grabbing the Heinies; he caught one of the perps by the shirt, but the suspect ripped his way out of the shirt and got away. Our brave hero may have lost his man/juvenile, but he retrieved the case of beer.

Officer Williams was dispatched to investigate. An area check was conducted "and the suspected were believed to have been spotted on Terry Avenue, but they dipped," reports state. The complainant relayed to the officer that the suspects had entered through the open back door, and the club wishes to press charges if the suspects are located.

Aug. 28, 7:08 A.M.: Officer Tankovich was dispatched to the 1200 block of West Central Boulevard in reference to a commercial burglary. It appears unknown suspect(s) attempted to break into an auto parts warehouse by using a piece of wood to try and pry open a gate in front of a roll-down door. Their attempts were unsuccessful, but they wouldn't leave empty-handed, so they stole two license plates off vehicles sitting out front. Estimated value of each tag is $1, for a grand total of $2 in stolen property. The report states, "The tags and decals will be entered into Teletype as stolen."

Aug. 28, 4:10 P.M.: This next case drills Orlando a notch lower on the limbo poles: Officer Coleman was dispatched in reference to a robbery in the 5000 block of Cinderlane Parkway. The 16-year-old victim was pushing her 1-year-old nephew in a stroller when she was attacked from behind by "an unknown black juvenile suspect who shoved her and the baby stroller over," reports state. While the victim cradled and protected the baby, the suspect seized the stroller and started rooting through the pouches until he found the victim's wallet and cellular phone.

The villain headed west through the Fountains apartment complex with the victim's belongings: a wallet ($1); Social Security card ($1); identification card ($1); $100 in cash; and the cell phone, valued at $100. Neither the victim nor the baby were injured during the incident. She added that she would be able to identify the perp in a photo lineup and desires prosecution if the suspect is located.

Knocking babies out of strollers? How low can we go, Orlando?

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