Police Beat

March 31

(2009-150527) 8:19 a.m.: Typos! "Unknown persao n(s) used a piece of concrete to smash the front galss door of `a tanning shop`. Once inside, the money from the cash regoister was taken."

(Case number missing) 6:04 p.m.: At a traffic stop, "a strong smell of cannabis was emitting from the open window of the vehicle." Search, 73 grams, jail.

(2009-151430) 6:18 p.m.: More pot: "Officers responded to the above address in reference to an intoxicated subject waving a gun around and threatening a neighbor. Upon arrival the subject came out of the residence, was taken down at gunpoint and secured. One handgun and a small amount of cannabis was recovered."

(2009-151709) 9:33 p.m.: Oh look, more pot! Officer Genao was foot-patrolling an apartment complex on Mercy Drive when he happened upon a young man with a ziplock bag full of "small individualized baggies of cannabis." The villain took "head long flight" but was arrested anyway.

(2009-151735) 9:48 p.m.: And in keeping with our theme: If you're driving around with 3.2 pounds of marijuana, some Xanax, two digital scales, a gun and $1,226 in cash in your car, speeding is not in your best interest. The cops might get the silly idea that you're a drug dealer.

April 1

(2009-152139) 3:50 a.m.: A cop responds to a domestic disturbance call and shoots a dog five times. The dog, the cop says, was charging him.

(2009-152983) 3:26 p.m.: The Police Beat Dick o' the Week award goes to Officer Swaby, who met with a 31-year-old "wishing to be transported by police to" Lakeside Behavioral Health, the county-funded hospital that treats mentally ill people who can't afford other psychiatric treatment. But Officer Swaby decided that this dude didn't meet the criteria to be "involuntarily Baker Acted" — um, officer, if he's asking to be committed, how is that involuntary? — so he could go pound sand or whatever. The guy got pissed and pushed the cop, who involuntarily transported him to jail.

(2009-152997) 3:33 p.m.: "The victim stated he met an acquaintance known only `redacted` at the Rio Grande Apartments to buy four broken laptops. `Redacted` then put a gun to the victim's head and took money from him." Why would you buy busted computers?

(2009-153244) 6:26 p.m.: Dropping cocaine on the ground in the presence of a cop is not an effective means of avoiding arrest.

(2009-153303) 7:08 p.m.: Robbing acquaintances — particularly people who live in the same apartment complex as you — then saying you'll come back and shoot up the place and steal more stuff doesn't strike me as especially intelligent thievery. They might call the cops. And they might know who you are.

(Case number missing) 11:36 p.m.: An armed robbery results in a stolen cell phone.

April 2

(2009-154063) 7:46 a.m.: Someone stole cash, keys and a computer from the First Baptist Church of Orlando's student building. Somehow the gays are at probably at fault. Gotta be.

(2009-154065) 7:47 a.m.: Someone stole $900 worth of football jerseys from a sporting goods store on International Drive.

(2009-154190) 9:40 a.m.: A victim had just exited his car on Silver Star Road when he was approached by a man who had just hopped out of a yellow '93 Mustang. The suspect demanded the victim's car keys. The vic refused; the sus pistol-whipped him and drove off in his old-ass 'Stang. Seriously, those things were hideous.

(2009-154410) 12:29 p.m.: "Two black males, possibly juveniles, attempted to forcefully enter the residence … by using a butter knife and then an identification card. They were unsuccessful and did not gain entry to the residence."

(Case number missing) 6:41 p.m.: Two guys "entered a propped open door to the above listed address and removed keys to a vehicle which was later stolen from another location." That, kids, is what we call planning.

April 3

(2009-156900) 9:29 p.m.: Operation Fulcrum produced a traffic stop on South John Young Parkway, which in turn produced a felon with a handgun. "The vehicle" — a 2003 Oldsmobile Alero — "was seized for forfeiture."

April 4

(2009-157421) 4:28 a.m.: A guy kicked in his ex-girlfriend's apartment door and beat her. He was quickly captured.

(2009-158757) 11:37 p.m.: Two cops responded to an apartment complex "in reference to a large crowd. Upon arrival, the vacant apartment was broken into and numerous subjects ran. Two subjects were chased down and detained by us."

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