"I gelt with you"

Treasury Secretary John Snow on Sunday would not rule out the idea of Irish singer Bono, an activist on debt relief and AIDS, making the short list of potential candidates to lead the World Bank, even though an American is expected to get the job. "He's somebody I admire. He does a lot of good in this world of economic development," Snow said.
Associated Press, March 7


Name: Mike Score
Address: Rockledge, FL
Current or previous employment: Lead singer, A Flock of Seagulls, 1982-present
Why are you interested in working for AmSouth?
Like many pop musicians my age, I'm looking for a second career. And following the trend, I've decided I want to be known for doing a lot of good in the world of economic development. Particularly in the area of making change.
Have you submitted a job application recently to any other banking institution? If so, which one?
Yes; World Bank
Just between us, how strong is the possibility that you may be offered a position with that institution?
10-1 odds
While we're still on the subject, what portion(s) of your resume do you think may work for you?
American by birth, which apparently gives me an edge (pardon the pun)
What factor(s) may work against you?
Intense competition from lucky SOBs who get to go to Africa with Paul O'Neill instead of Jake's Sports Café with The Thompson Twins
What kind of employment are you seeking from AmSouth: full-time, part-time, temporary or seasonal?
Full-time, but with the ability to flex my schedule during the state-fair concert season
When would you be able to begin work?
Yesterday (If yesterday was a legal banking holiday, substitute "the day before yesterday")
Are you at least 18 years old?
Oh, good Lord, yes
Would you be willing to undergo a drug test?
Define "drug"
Do you have access to transportation?
Yes, but only when my road manager is available to drive, thanks to a long story that involves the phrases "Blue Hawaiian," "Lamborghini" and "accordion"
Do you have experience working with spreadsheet software?
Do you have experience handling commercial accounts?
Do you have experience handling business accounts?
What the hell, let's make it three for three
Which of the following fall within your work-related skills: 10-key typing; cashing checks; accepting deposits; processing withdrawals; opening accounts; closing accounts; foreign currency; wire transfers; money handling; vault countdown; teller line supervision; programming a primitive drum machine in the back of a touring van while the ColecoVision is blaring and your drummer's going after your bass player with a broken Corona bottle because your second album's just been turned in and the record company doesn't hear a single?
That last bit
How many miles are you willing to travel to work?
Up to 50 per day
What is the farthest you have ever traveled for a job?
At age 16, I spent a summer delivering gift bouquets for a local florist. Since I didn't have my license yet, I had to do all my deliveries on foot. And so I ran. I know it sounds like self-aggrandizing B.S., but as God is my witness, that's what I did. I just ran. Jesus H. Criminy, I ran so far away. Looking back on it now, it seems like I ran all night and day. (In fact, I ended up quitting that job because the hours were longer than I had been promised. Once I walked in the door of that flower shop every morning, I couldn't get away.)
Is there anyone we can contact who can comment on your professionalism, reliability and punctuality?
Saul Klingman, executive producer of VH-1 special "Where Are They Now, Who Were They Then?"
List any special skills or experience you may have in the area of languages.
Co-headlined with Modern English, 1983
Do you have any physical disabilities and/or infirmities that may interfere with the performance of your duties?
Persistent migraines due to repeated falls on forehead (vision obstructed by hair, 1982; baseball cap, 2003)
What is the best time of day to contact you?
Early afternoon is best; mornings are spent shrugging off the lingering hangover of perpetual failure. Oh, and boning up on exchange rates.
Is there anything else we should consider in processing your application?
Have I mentioned I'm American?


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