And now back to our continuing saga on the future of Club Juana

When last we left the story, Club Juana — Central Florida's most famous titty bar — was looking for a new home after the Florida Department of Transportation shut it down for road construction `Happytown™, June 8`. To accommodate the relocation of Club Juana, which Casselberry is required by law to do whether it likes titty bars or not, the city's planning commission voted to create a new zoning called "industrial medium," which would be the only places sexually oriented businesses are allowed.

Club Juana owner Michael Pinter was none too excited about the new zoning, which would locate his business in a wooded area near the city's retention ponds along Winter Park Road in north Casselberry. "All I ask of you is to treat me and my family fairly and put my business in a viable area," he told the commission. The issue goes before the Casselberry city commission July 10.

And now it's time for another installment of What's Up With Ric?™, our attempt to keep you up to date on the comings and goings of Orlando's favorite Congressman, U.S. Rep. Ric Keller!



The fine folks at 20th Century Fox were kind enough to send us this sexy thong, and we've been wearing it ever since! It's a promo for some movie that will undoubtedly suck, but you should see our ass in this thing!

This week's episode finds Ric boldly standing up to Washington bureaucrats to keep you safe and telling a whiny-ass, big-city mayor to shove it!

A few months ago, you'll remember, New York City and Washington, D.C., officials raised hell when the Department of Homeland Security slashed their annual allotment by 40 percent. The feds said the cities screwed up their paperwork, while the cities accused DHS of playing politics.

Thanks to Ric's tireless efforts, Orlando pulled in $9.4 million from the DHS trough, money he says will help protect Disney. And, as The Hill newspaper noted, it might give Keller some bragging rights in what is expected to be a tough election this November. (Incidentally, DHS money poured into another struggling Republican's district, Rep. Clay Shaw of Fort Lauderdale, which got $10 million.)

But it's not like our Ric to take the money and run. He lambasted Washington, D.C., officials for spending their DHS money on "Carnegie courses and rap music." Then he jumped on New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg's shit for opposing the nomination of Supreme Court Justice John Roberts.

NO. 31

Orlando police responded to a reported shooting at Timbersound Apartments, at the intersection of Timbersound Boulevard and Raleigh Street, at 5:25 p.m. July 2. They found Mack Sparkman, 22, dead at the entrance to the apartment complex, according to a police report. Reports state there was a confrontation that led to an unknown suspect firing shots into Sparkman's car, then pulling him out and taking off in the stolen vehicle. As of press time, police haven't given a motive or identified any suspects.

Sparkman's death brings this year's homicide count to 31. The city's record is 36 killings in 1982.

"On Sept. 16, 2005, Mayor Bloomberg was the first one to issue a press release opposing John Roberts for chief justice of the Supreme Court," Keller declared. "What the hell does a New York City mayor have to do with nominations for the U.S. Supreme Court?"

Ric, you potty-mouth!

Thanks for tellin' them big-city politicians to get bent!

In May, we told you that Orange County Democratic Executive Committee chairman Tim Shea was bolting to run for circuit judge. Shea had spent his year-and-a-half tenure cultivating a reputation as a no-nonsense, fund-raising ball-buster. He wanted to professionalize the party's operation and worried more about mechanics than ideology.

Who could replace someone like that? Kimberly Bowles, a board member of the local AFL-CIO and executive officer of the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees. Bowles, who is the DEC's first openly gay chairman, was also appointed by Buddy Dyer to the city's Public Arts Advisory Board, and was a volunteer on Orange County's Civic Arts Facilities. Will Bowles use Shea's hard-nosed strategy or present a slightly softer edge?

Turns out, both. "My job as a leader is to create more leaders," she says. She also wants to reach out and build "lasting relationships" with the gay and lesbian, black and Hispanic communities.

For now, her job is short-term, until the regular DEC elections in December. "I haven't put much thought past December," she says. In the meantime, she'll oversee the Dems' buildup to the November elections.



Who: MoveOn.org

When/Where: 5:30 p.m. June 28, in front of the Chevron at 1601 E. Colonial Drive

Scene: As part of MoveOn's Campaign for an Oil-Free Congress, seven people showed up to protest the "Grand Oil Party" Congress members who, they say, have accepted $142,635,314 in donations from oil companies since 1990 —that's 75 percent of the $190 million total given to members of Congress by oil companies — which in turn is causing politicians to represent industries instead of individuals and threaten our clean-energy future.

"We are now governed by lobbyists," says protester Vicki Krueger, who came with a sign detailing the benefits of her hybrid car and pleading for America to "Wake Up." They specifically targeted Rep. Ric Keller, handing out leaflets stating that the Congressman has taken $42,275 from the oil industry and asking citizens to call Keller and tell him to "stop taking oil money."

OUR RATING: 4 (out of 10)






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