belly up.

Delicate sensibilities offended, Part 3,907: So I'm in the dairy aisle at Publix this morning when I notice a new product in among the yogurt-like stuffs called Goodbelly.

I mean.

When Activia yogurt first came out, I managed to blank out the purpose somehow â?? when people start talking about their "digestion," I know what they really mean, but I managed to mentally put my fingers in my ears and go "la la la" until the topic passed. That is, until Tina Fey, in her brilliant SNL "Bitch Is the New Black" monologue, expressed her gratitude for "that new yogurt that helps you poop."

So OK, ick. (But good work on that name, I guess â?? sounds better than Laxitivia.) Now NextFoods has come out with Goodbelly. Jeez. Why not just call it Poop Shooter? I do not want to think about "stomach imbalance" while I do my grocery shopping, OK?

Right. In other belly news, if you're looking bloated (didn't eat your poo yogurt?), you can use this product to paint muscles on your flabby tum: Abs in a Box

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Jessica Bryce Young

Jessica Bryce Young has been working with Orlando Weekly since 2003, serving as copy editor, dining editor and arts editor before becoming editor in chief in 2016.
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