What's new on Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Peacock, Paramount+, Amazon Prime and Shudder this week.
Premieres Wednesday: Against the Ice — Scandinavian history is the basis for a nail-biting suspense flick in which two members of an expedition get stranded in the Arctic while trying to prove that Northeast Greenland belongs to Denmark instead of the U.S. That's nothing! Did you ever get stranded in Howey-in-the-Hills because you thought it belonged to Western civilization? (Netflix)
Premieres Thursday:
The Dropout — Star Amanda Seyfried gets eight episodes to sell us on her portrayal of disgraced biotech mogul Elizabeth Holmes, whose allegedly revolutionary blood-testing method was discovered to be a sham. Mere weeks ago, the real Holmes was found guilty on four counts of fraud, which has to have been a big relief for the producers of this program. Imagine if they had gone to all that trouble and the only charge that stuck was tailgating or something. (Hulu)
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe — In Season 2 of Kevin Smith's reboot, Skeletor is out to raise an army of snake soldiers from the dead. And here you were thinking Rick Scott had no legislative agenda! (Netflix)
Joe vs. Carole — If you thought Tiger King 2 had represented the last gasp of exploitation surrounding Joe Exotic and his bête noire, Carole Baskin, here comes a questionably necessary dramatization of the whole overexplored affair. John Cameron Mitchell of Hedwig and the Angry Inch fame plays Joe, with Kate McKinnon in the role of Carole. McKinnon, by the way, missed the first seven episodes of the current season of SNL just so she could shoot this thing. Christ, it takes less time to shoot five tigers and your chief business rival. Or so I've heard! (Peacock)
Little Ellen — With the arrival of Season 2, the concept of a 7-year-old Ellen DeGeneres suddenly doesn't seem nearly as absurd. But that's only because we've since caught wind of the plans for Little Matt Lauer. (HBO Max)
Our Flag Means Death — The 18th century's idea of a career change inspires a comedy series loosely based on the life of Stede Bonnet, an aristocrat who reinvented himself as a pirate. The show was created by David Jenkins, although most folks are probably going to refer to it as a Taika Waititi project, since ol' Vampire Hitler himself is a co-executive producer, directed the pilot and appears as Blackbeard. But I'm sure the confusion won't bother these guys; they're pirates, not cry-rates. (HBO Max)
Power Rangers: Dino Fury — The mightily morphin' franchise moves to Netflix for Season 2 of its latest story arc, bringing its tally to six homes in 29 years. One more, and they all qualify for refugee pay. (Netflix)
The Scary of Sixty-First — At the 2021 Berlin International Film Festival, the Best First Feature award went to director Dasha Nekrasova's shocker about a pair of roommates who experience unsettling personal changes after moving into an apartment that may have once belonged to Jeffrey Epstein. How unsettling? For one thing, they start to think he actually may have killed himself. (Shudder)
Star Trek: Picard — Season 2 finds our hero trapped in the 21st century and hunting desperately for a way to escape. (Hard same, Jean-Luc. Hard same.) Cast members from Star Trek: The Next Generation who will show up along the way include John de Lancie and Whoopi Goldberg. Wait, isn't it the history of the 20th century she should be studying? (Paramount+)
Surviving Paradise: A Family Tale — Regé-Jean Page won't be back to sling his dingus around when Season 2 of Bridgerton drops later in the month; instead, he's narrating this nature documentary about the fragile ecosystem of Botswana's Okavango Delta. Come to think of it, the Okavango Delta totally sounds like something Simon and Daphne would get up to on the stairs. (Netflix)
The Tourist — Jamie Dornan takes center stage in a BBC-produced miniseries about a British traveler who loses his memory after he's chased by a tanker truck in the Australian Outback. I got tanked at the Outback once, and boy do I wish I could forget it. (HBO Max)
The Weekend Away — Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester takes the lead in an adaptation of the best-selling novel about a woman who may or may not have killed her BFF during a vacation in Croatia. I was about to say Jello Biafra's the guy you want to talk to, but that was a holiday in Cambodia. (Netflix)
Premieres Friday: The Boys Presents: Diabolical — Can't get enough of the hyperviolent, sometimes rapey shenanigans on The Boys? Here's an animated spinoff that delves even further into their world of corporate-sanctioned atrocity, with episodes rendered in a variety of appropriately graphic visual styles. The bullpen of writers includes franchise creator Garth Ennis, Andy Samberg and good old Awkwafina. If you like her segment, be sure to let her know on Twitter. Oh, wait. Never mind. (Maybe she's still on Friendster.) (Amazon Prime)
Lucy and Desi — For those who thought the casting of Nicole Kidman as Lucille Ball was a misfire, here comes a documentary about the salad days of Desilu to remind you that maybe Lucy herself wasn't all that to begin with. (Search your heart, says this Honeymooners fan. You know it to be true.) Coming to us straight from Sundance, the doc was directed by Amy Poehler, who has a special kinship to the material by dint of not being funny herself. (As a matter of fact, I don't care whose feelings I hurt, says this Nasim Pedrad stan.) (Amazon Prime)
More Than This — From Down Under comes a teen drama that was created and written by actual teens. I know, I know: How crazy to think any youngster would know more about their life than Mindy Kaling! Anyway, the show concerns a class of high-school students and their teacher who have to cope with problems that are uniquely Australian in nature. What's that? You didn't know Australia's kids were under specific pressures? Listen, you try to fight off a bully while you're standing upside down. (Paramount+)
Pieces of Her — The 2018 novel becomes a serial thriller, with Toni Collette as a woman who begins to question her life's very foundation after watching her mother efficiently neutralize a mass shooter. Hands up if you remember when the most disillusioning thing they could get up to was kissing Santa Claus. (Netflix)
Premieres Tuesday: Chip and Potato — The kindergarten set gets a third season of animated adventures with Chip the pug, whose "toy" mouse, Potato, is actually real. Calvin and Hobbes without the human element? Smart move. We ruin everything. (Netflix)
Last One Standing — Somehow of a piece with Squid Game, Murderville AND Dr. Phil, this Japanese series sees comics vying for position in a serious drama by improvising their way through soul-baring monologues. Prompts include "The Time When I Was Hurt" and "Words I've Been Shocked By." Man, Cardi and Megan would not last five minutes on here. (Netflix)
Perfect World: A Deadly Game — In a two-part docuseries, video gamers discover that one of their number might have killed his family. Makes sense, since it's an activity you can engage in without leaving your mom's basement. (Peacock)
Ruxx — Romania is the setting for a series about a young woman who has to balance her personal life with the demands of her real-estate job. The show itself was shot in Bucharest, but wouldn't it have been a fun switch if they had filmed it in Manhattan and just tried to pass it off? (HBO Max)
Taylor Tomlinson: Look at You — In her second full-length stand-up special, the comic offers us her thoughts on the subjects of mental illness, grief and dating. You know what they say: If you can even tell them apart at this point, you've got nothing to complain about! (Netflix)
