OPENING THIS WEEK:
The Bye Bye Man It's generally said that horror movies released in January are not very good. It's also said that horror movies that receive a PG-13 rating are not worth one's time. So what can we infer about a horror movie that's being released in January and was rated PG-13? That stereotypes are bad and they hurt, hope the makers of The Bye Bye Man, in which a bunch of college students discover that a single supernatural entity was responsible for a spate of high-profile murders. Me, I dug that storyline when Robert Bloch used it on Star Trek half a century ago, so I'm keeping an open mind. Then again, that episode wasn't aired in January. (PG-13)
Monster Trucks If you've never attended a monster truck event, it's definitely something you need to do once before you die. (Notice I said once.) Your next chance is Saturday, Jan. 21, at Camping World – which might be a better use of your entertainment dollar than Monster Trucks, a live-action/computer-animation hybrid about a high-school senior whose totally bitchin' vehicle could be mankind's only hope against a menace from the bowels of the Earth. Stories circulated four months ago that Paramount was taking a $115 million writedown on the picture, so certain were they of its impending failure at the box office. Hey, what if it's a surprise success? Will they be stuck in some kind of Springtime for Grave Digger scenario? Now that's a movie I'd like to see. (PG)
Patriots Day It seems like the Boston Marathon bombings took place just yesterday. Actually, it was nearly four years ago – more than enough time for Hollywood to crank out a tasteless exploitation picture starring Mark Wahlberg. Fresh from cleaning up the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, the Markster has now moved on to tracking down the evil Tsarnaev brothers to get justice for Beantown. Is there no real-life crisis that man can't solve? Heck, he would have even prevented the 9/11 attacks. Just ask him! (R)
Silence People of my generation regard new Martin Scorsese movies the same way we regard new music from Def Leppard: not expecting anything that's actually good in an objective sense, but still with respectful attention based on the milestones they set when they possessed all of their limbs. (OK, Scorsese still has both his arms, but you get my point.) Silence is a film he's been wanting to make for over two decades – the story of a couple of Jesuit priests in Japan on the search for their missing mentor. So how did this longtime passion project turn out? Well, the American Film Institute put it on their list of the 10 best motion pictures of 2016. And in related news, Rick Allen still can't play racquetball. (R)
Sleepless Jamie Foxx is a dirty Vegas cop out to rescue his son from gangster kidnappers. The film includes a supporting performance by Dermot Mulroney. (Or maybe it's Dylan McDermott.) And another by T.I. (Or maybe it's T-Pain.) (R)
ALSO PLAYING:
The Bronx Bull Speaking of Martin Scorsese, did you know he once made a movie about boxer Jake LaMotta? It's true! You could look it up! Or you could just go in cold to see The Bronx Bull, which I'm sure is what the makers of this second LaMotta biopic would prefer. In the lead role is the illustrious William Forsythe, who you can usually meet at Orlando's own Spooky Empire convention a couple times a year. Get there early enough, and he'll even say hi to you unsolicited! Well, he said hi to me. Maybe he could just tell I'm super important. (R)
