Everything new this week on Netflix, HBO Max, Hulu, Shudder, Disney+, Amazon Prime and Peacock.
Wednesday, June 29:
All Star Shore — You just knew something like this would happen when the boardroom discovered the multiverse: Cast members from a host of reality shows (from various networks and streaming services) convene at a beach house in the Canary Islands to compete in "party-style challenges." I just want to see some queen from RPDR teach a Love Island expat the real meaning of the term "sack race." (Paramount+)
Baymax! — The second series spun off from Big Hero 6 focuses specifically on the misadventures of the titular healthcare bot. These six episodes should be a nice palate cleanser if your previous experience with a "healthcare bot" was an email telling you your Obamacare doesn't cover antidepressants. (Disney+)
Beauty — A certain breakout pop star of the 1980s seems to have been the inspiration for this dramatic feature about a talented young singer with the potential to enthrall Black and white audiences alike — if she can resist the pressures of the music industry and preserve her secret relationship with her girlfriend. Honestly, I'll be surprised if Stacey Q doesn't sue. (Netflix)
Pirate Gold of Adak Island — Now here's a reality nail-biter that knows what its audience wants to see. The mayor of a remote Alaskan island and his team of expert treasure hunters search for buried gold — amidst a bunch of unexploded World War II bombs that could blow up in their face at any minute. To show that Netflix remains committed to responsible programming, CEO Reed Hastings is offering every subscriber the option to sponsor a bomb. (Netflix)
The Upshaws Season 2, Part 1 — In eight new episodes, Mike Epps, Kim Fields and the rest of their sitcom clan continue to navigate the pitfalls of working-class life in today's Indiana. Pitfall No. 1: Two of their three kids think their mom was Blair Warner. (Netflix)
Thursday, June 30:
Bastard!! Heavy Metal, Dark Fantasy — You have to love it when the title of a series reads like an IMDb genre description and Tenacious D's Shipt order. Both are certainly the case with this anime offering about a crisis in the kingdom of Metallicana, where salvation from the Four Lords of Havoc depends upon the resurrection of a powerful wizard in the body of a 14-year-old boy. Forget what I said about Shipt; that's so metal it qualifies as its own airbrushed denim jacket. (Netflix)
The Long Night — Having escaped her Southern upbringing to start afresh in New York, a young woman returns home with her boyfriend for a visit, only to be caught up in the machinations of a homicidal cult. I think we all know what the lesson is here: Living among homicidal cults just isn't worth it, especially now that the rents are lower in New York. (Shudder)
Madagascar: A Little Wild — The show's eighth and final season commences with an episode in which Rocky the rat writes an original musical, RATS, and asks the utterly inexperienced Alex the Lion to direct it. Can it really be any worse than hiring Julie Taymor? (HBO Max and Peacock)
Sharkdog — Now that the existence of our canine/fish hybrid has become known to the public, he's going to have to do some work to allay their natural fears in Season 2. In hindsight, proposing that the Westminster Dog Show be moved to Amity Island probably wasn't the best idea. (Netflix)
Friday, July 1:
The Last Drive-in With Joe Bob Briggs — What genre meisterworks will Joe Bob be showing for his season finale? Your guess is as good as mine. Because unlike Madison Cawthorn, I've never had a man on the inside. (Shudder)
The Princess — Joey King portrays the scion of a royal family who's imprisoned for refusing to marry the man she was promised to. Crazy, huh? For more wild flights of feminist paranoia, Google "2023 Texas legislative calendar." (Hulu)
Stranger Things 4, Vol. 2 — Producer-director Shawn Levy told The Hollywood Reporter that these final two episodes of the season (with a total runtime of four hours) "are definitely a treat for the eyes, but they punch you right in the gut." So I guess if you aren't on Netflix, you could just approximate the experience by moving in with a ballet dancer. ANYWAY ... the Vol. 2 trailer is still pushing "Running Up That Hill," which means your chances are slim if you were hoping the show would also be resurrecting the career of Hazel O'Connor. Who? My point exactly. (Netflix)
The Terminal List — It's a match made in authoritarian heaven as Antoine Fuqua (Training Day) directs Bible-camp himbo Chris Pratt in the story of a Navy SEAL who goes rogue to track down the killers of his entire platoon. In terms of pure entertainment, I'd rather watch the week of "Hollywood cancels conservatives" reports Brian Kilmeade is going to do when he realizes Stranger Things has its own Doritos and this show doesn't. (Amazon Prime)
Sunday, July 3:
The Art of Incarceration — This outraged documentary shines a spotlight on the dramatic overrepresentation of Indigenous peoples within the Australian prison system. To think that when Bon Scott pulled that jailbreak, all he cared about was his own colonizing ass. (Netflix)
Monday, July 4:
America the Beautiful — A six-episode travelogue through the natural wonders of the USA allows Disney to demonstrate just how much it loves this great nation of ours. Yeah, yeah; that's totally something a groomer would say! (Disney+)
