Believe it or not, it's not always easy to make these columns cohesive. Just look at the disparate ground we have to cover this week. First, there's the Friday opening of all of this year's non-Saw Halloween fare, including the latest shocker in which a couple of innocents are beset by sociopaths who seem intent on hunting them down and killing them. Then, four days later – Election Day, don't you know — store shelves will be magically stuffed with everything from a Shrek Christmas DVD to a print biography of Marlon Brando. So where's the through line? How about this: If you spend Tuesday hanging around Borders instead of visiting your local voting precinct to help elect President Obama, we'll hunt you down and kill you.
;Damn, we're good.
;;
;IN THEATERS
;Opening Friday, Oct. 31
;Let the Right One In See review here. (at Enzian Theater, Maitland; R)
;;Changeling Clint Eastwood's latest stars Angelina Jolie as a woman whose kidnapped child is finally returned home – only for her to doubt that he's really hers. In the immortal words of Lil Wayne, "Shawty need a refund/Need to bring that nigga back." (R)
;;Eden Lake In this British export, a lovey-dovey couple on a camping trip is terrorized by the requisite band of bloodthirsty hooligans. Writer-director James Watkins is not the local impresario of the same name who's known for appropriating schlock horror flicks and turning them into gloriously cheap theatricales. And your week is all the sadder for it. (R)
;;The Haunting of Molly Hartley Loved Carrie? A big fan of Rosemary's Baby? Still can't stop talking about Suspiria? Now advancements in science have made it possible to watch all three of those movies in 87 minutes! At least that's the way it looks from the advance clips of Molly, in which a private-school student learns that her crazy family may have doomed her to a life in thrall to Old Scratch. And you thought your parents were dicks for pressuring you to go to FSU. (PG-13)
;;The Other End of the Line In this cross-cultural romantic comedy, a young woman working in a Bangalore call center falls for one of her American customers, who thinks she's stationed in San Francisco. Yeah, every time we've spent four hours on the phone trying to get our laptop to boot up, we've sensed that true love was just around the corner. (PG-13)
;;RocknRolla Guy Ritchie, the outgoing Mr. Madonna, takes us on another seriocomic sojourn through the British underworld. In this one, a Russian mobster … oh, who cares. Did you know she gets anti-aging injections? (R)
;;What Just Happened Barry Levinson's latest Tinseltown sendup has dropped in and out of the Orlando release schedule so many times that reports of its arrival now have all the credibility of Sasquatch sightings. So don't blame us if you end up cooling your heels at Johnny Rockets on Friday night and asking yourself, "What didn't just happen?" (R)
;;Zack and Miri Make a Porno ; You know Slacker Nation's priorities are all out of whack when Seth Rogen finds it necessary to slim down to play the Green Hornet – but not to climb on top of Elizabeth Banks. Dammit, shoot us some of that Jenny Craig! Of course, flagrant, down-home schlubbiness is the point of Kevin Smith's pals-turned-smut-peddlers comedy, which many initial reviewers are calling a surprisingly sweet marriage of the View Askew ethos and the Judd Apatow ; talent pool. (R)
;;ON DVD
;Available Tuesday, Nov. 4
;Shrek the Halls The choice is yours: Shell out full price for 22 minutes of holiday-themed Shrekitude or wait a few weeks until the thing is shown repeatedly on TV for free. Well, we guess some people simply can't wait to see Donkey eagerly scarf the Gingerbread Man's chocolaty vomit. (No, we are not kidding.) And to be fair, some early viewers are calling the special a better Shrek sequel than either of the last two theatrical releases. There's also the bonus of voice work by all of the original cast. From what we hear, Mike Myers kept busting out the Love Guru quotes between takes, which is why the recording crew all suddenly took up smoking.
;;BOOKS
;Available Tuesday, Nov. 4
;My Word Is My Bond: A Memoir We know it's hard to get excited about the idea of wading through 336 pages written by Roger Moore. But don't worry: It's not that Roger Moore! What we have here is a litany of show-biz reminiscences by the illustrious Sean Connery successor and perennial friend of ; the famous.
;;Somebody: The Reckless Life and Remarkable Career of Marlon Brando Biographer Stefan Kanfer argues that the late actor suffered from "oppositional defiant disorder," "narcissistic personality disorder" and "oral fixation." Expect the paperback edition to include an extra chapter on "the jitters."
;; [email protected]
