(NOTE: All premiere dates remain subject to last-minute change, while the streamers learn how long striking writers and actors can go without foie gras.)
Premieres Wednesday:
The D'Amelio Show — In Season 3, Dixie has a little help finding a new boyfriend: namely, sister Charli and her own boo, Landon Barker. "You need to be with someone who can keep you grounded and away from tabloid drama," offers Landon, helpfully. "Like my dad." (Hulu)
Murdaugh Murders: A Southern Scandal — Season 2 follows up on the conviction of Alex Murdaugh by sharing interviews with folks who have intimate knowledge of the case, including some who were witnesses at his trial. Now all he has to do is kill someone in prison, and this show could go on for years. (Netflix)
The Super Models — A four-part documentary chronicles the legendary accomplishments of Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista and Christy Turlington. Seems to me that was the same quartet profiled on VH1's Crusty Socks of the '80s. (Apple TV+)
Premieres Thursday:
Keegan Ashura: Season 2 — Welcome back to a future dystopia in which the 1 percent settle their disputes by having trained fighters beat the crap out of each other in their name. This time, we'll find out a little bit about the origins of champion combatant Ohma. Was he intentionally bred for corporate combat, or was there just a 'roid spill one day at the Chamber of Commerce? (Netflix)
Sex Education — The series-ending Season 4 finds the kids enrolled at a swank college where the student body seems ready, willing and able to out-woke them at every turn. It says something when the drama department is the least performative part of a school. (Netflix)
Young Love — Issa Rae adapts her Oscar-winning animated short Hair Love into a full-fledged series that follows the Young family through their ups and downs at home, in the workplace and across society at large. The last time we saw Issa, she was the whole-ass president of Barbieland; can't she just hire somebody to do all that stuff for her? (Max)
Premieres Friday:
The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster — The latest reworking of Frankenstein casts a teenage girl in the role of the mad doctor, with her murdered brother the corpse she strives to reanimate. Man, this could be the best Black take on a classic horror story since Ralph Ellison did Invisible Man! (Shudder)
Cassandro — True LGBT history is the inspiration for a biopic that puts Gael García Bernal in the role of a gay wrestler who became "the Liberace of lucha libre." Apparently, his main weapon against his adversaries was the humiliation factor. Because nobody wants to have to go to the doctor to have a candelabra removed from a sensitive place. (Prime Video)
The Continental: From the World of John Wick — The reaction to this three-part prequel will answer one of the burning questions of our time: Is anybody going to care about a John Wick story that doesn't include John Wick? The absence of an actor as widely beloved as Keanu Reeves would seem like a big impediment, but you have to give this show credit for replacing him with two things that are almost equally unpopular: New York in the '70s and Mel Gibson. Have fun swimming with those chains, guys. (Peacock)
Love Is Blind: Season 5 — The sight-unseen dating show descends upon Houston for what its producers are calling "the most shocking season yet." Let me guess: Every contestant has been carrying on a secret affair with Ken Paxton. (Netflix)
No One Will Save You — Kaitlyn Dever (Unbelievable, Dopesick) plays a recluse who learns that her family home isn't impervious to extraterrestrial invaders. But that's what's gonna happen when your parents weren't totally square with Truly Nolen. (Hulu)
Song of the Bandits — The 1920s is the timeframe for a series that shows Korean refugees fighting Japanese occupiers in the borderlands of Gando. If they don't win, at least they'll have the satisfaction of knowing that nobody who killed them will be appearing in Oppenheimer. (Netflix)
Spy Kids: Armageddon — Robert Rodriguez revisits his seminal family adventure franchise, pitting some intrepid youngsters against a video-game developer who wants to rule the world. Be kind of funny if somebody complained that the CGI looks like a cut scene. (Netflix)
Still Up — A full season's worth of sleep-deprived romantic banter ensues when a guy and a girl bond over their mutual insomnia. It's like Before Sunrise, except these two have a medical reason to be insufferable. (Apple TV+)
Premieres Tuesday:
The Devil's Plan — Wow, an entire series about the career of Lana Del Rey? Nah, it's just a game show from — you guessed it! — South Korea, in which contestants from various walks of life reveal their intellectual prowess and their inner selves at the same time. Seriously, I never thought I'd reach a point in my life where I'd prefer Lana Del Rey to anything, but I guess that's what a lack of variety will do to you. (Netflix)
The Fake Sheikh — Witness the rise and fall of Brit tabloid journalist Mazher Mahmood, who assumed a variety of false identities to entrap public figures but then got sent to jail himself. Suddenly, Rudy Giuliani thinks there might be a light at the end of the tunnel in that whole Sacha Baron Cohen business. (Prime Video)
The Victoria's Secret World Tour — Proving that nothing is ever really canceled, the embattled brand paves the way to resuming its "problematic" fashion shows by spotlighting a newfound emphasis on diversity and self-actualization. And you can buy the forward-thinking fashions on Amazon too, because what good is empowerment if Daddy ain't gettin' his beak wet? (Prime Video)
Who Killed Jill Dando? — In 1999, BBC presenter Dando was shot to death on the steps of her home. All these years later, the murder remains unsolved. A doc like this sounds like it could be the pilot for an entire themed series about slain journos, so let's hope Netflix producing partner Saudi Arabia keeps up the good work. (Netflix)
