‘Bridgerton’ is back, baby, so get your best Regency Era Netflix-binge pants ready

"Bridgerton" Season 2 drops Friday
"Bridgerton" Season 2 drops Friday photo courtesy Netflix

Brand-new streaming shows you won't want to miss this week.

Premieres Wednesday:
Bloods
— Sky TV's sitcom about London paramedics returns for a second season of wacky responses to 999 calls. Wow, who knew a single English punk band could keep an emergency service so busy? (I know, I know; you don't have to write in and tell me.) (Hulu)

Clive Davis: Most Iconic Performances — The legendary record-biz mogul presents four episodes' worth of concerts and interviews with some of the biggest names in music, from Bruce Springsteen to Rod Stewart to Alicia Keys. I've got 50 bucks for whoever decides to break the ice with "Hey, remember when you signed Milli Vanilli?" (Paramount+)

Parallels — The first original French-language program made for Disney+ is a six-episode sci-fi series in which four 14-year-olds are sent to distant corners of the Multiverse. Too bad it wasn't the Metaverse, because then they could have just used crypto to buy their way back. (Disney+)

Premieres Thursday:
Halo
— The video-game phenomenon becomes a live-action streaming series, with Earth soldiers of the 26th century fending off a cadre of attacking alien races. In real life, we'd just have McDonald's boycott them and hope for the best. (Paramount+)

Love Like the Falling Petals — Japanese romance hits a snag as a young photographer falls for a hairstylist, only for her to contract a disease that makes her age at a breakneck pace. I foresee two possible solutions here: very small f-stops or very long bangs. (Netflix)

One Perfect Shot — There are few concepts in entertainment more insular than a documentary series based on a Twitter account that's devoted to beloved frames from classic films. Ava DuVernay is our narrator as directors literally walk us through some of the greatest moments in cinema. (HBO Max)

The Spine of Night — Serious Heavy Metal vibes are in store as old-fashioned rotoscope animation is used to tell the tale of an evil flower that wreaks havoc on humanity. IndieWire calls the movie "a merciless blood-storm that feels like it was adapted from the most intense blacklight poster your best friend's older brother used to hang in the basement of his mom's house." If anything, I think that's underestimating my friends' brothers. (Shudder)

Starstruck — In Season 2 of the well-received BBC sitcom, New Zealander Jessie (Rose Matafeo) has to navigate the ups and downs of being romantically involved with a show-business celebrity. Listen, if you can't stand the heat, don't go into the kitchen with Pete Davidson. (HBO Max)

WWE Evil — The Peacemaker himself, John Cena, hosts an eight-episode exposé of some of the biggest heels in the history of World Wrestling Entertainment. Each villain gets his own episode ... because let's face it, would you ask any of these guys to share? (Peacock)

Premieres Friday:
800 Meters
— A probing docuseries seeks to explain how Spain could have become the target of homegrown terrorists twice in 2017. "That is indeed shocking," the American audience agrees. "Only twice in one year?" (Netflix)

Bridgerton — Those randy 19th-century Brits are back for a second season of vigorous shagging. This time, the focus is on Jonathan Bailey's character, Lord Anthony Bridgerton, the viscount, who in the source novels has to choose between the woman he's planned to marry and her very interesting sister. Will the show chart a similar course? Here's a hint: In 1800s England, "viscount" meant "scrub." (Netflix)

click to enlarge "Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Grrrls" bows Friday - PHOTO COURTESY AMAZON PRIME VIDEO
photo courtesy Amazon Prime Video
"Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Grrrls" bows Friday

Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Grrrls — The brassy empowerment icon has eight episodes to find a new troupe of backup dancers before she heads out on tour. At the time of filming, I'm sure that seemed like quite the challenge. But as the logistics of the road go, it'd now be a lot more suspenseful if she were looking for a full tank of gas. (Amazon Prime)

Olivia Rodrigo: Driving Home 2 U (A Sour Film) — Cameras follow singer Rodrigo as she puts together the album she wrote to cope with her breakup from High School Musical co-star Joshua Bassett. Working title: Get Back ... at Your Ex. (Disney+)

Pachinko — Adapting the New York Times bestseller of the same name, this drama series follows four generations of a Korean family on their path to America. If it's a hit, expect Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino to chronicle his own life's journey to the Jersey shore in a show called Skee-ball. (Apple TV+)

Transformers BotBots — Young kids are the target audience for an animated show in which supposedly inanimate objects leap from the shelves of a shopping mall and come to life after closing time. Been to an Orlando-area mall recently? The potential cast would be three Funko Pops nobody wanted and a half-eaten corn dog. (Netflix)

The Wonderful Spring of Mickey Mouse — The second of four seasonal specials starring beloved Disney characters follows the format of a nature documentary. Be sure to cover your kids' eyes when Winnie the Pooh's pal Owl follows his biological imperative and sucks Mickey bloodless! (Disney+)

Premieres Monday:
Thermae Romae Novae
— Temporal displacement yields serious yuks in an anime series that finds an ancient Roman architect traveling back and forth to modern-day Japan for inspiration. Because what the Colosseum really needed, see, was a few more big-ass Hitachi signs. (Netflix)

Premieres Tuesday:
The Girl From Plainville
— If there's one thing streaming can't get enough of, it's true-crime stories about killers who just happen to be women. "Happen"? Hahaha, right! Take that sh*t to CinemaBlend! Anyway, the latest entry in the genre is this eight-episode dramatization of the case of Michelle Carter, who was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for urging her boyfriend via text to commit suicide. Seriously, the more of these shows they throw at us, the more I sympathize with the chicks they're trying to get us to fear and despise. I mean, if I had to refrain from telling people who need to hear it to go kill themselves, my Christmas-card list wouldn't be half as long. (Hulu)

Johnny Hallyday: Beyond Rock — The late singer who was considered "the French Elvis" narrates a retrospective of his life and accomplishments. I mean, he narrates it in the sense that the doc is based on interviews he gave when he was still alive. Not that he's speaking from beyond the grave or something. But I bet Leonard Cohen could do it! (Netflix)

Mike Epps: Indiana Mike — Topics to be touched on in Epps' latest standup special include his failures as a drug dealer and "warm memories of his parents." If they were really so great, why didn't they teach him to be a better drug dealer? (Netflix)

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