Anyone who's been to the paper goods aisle at Publix in the past couple weeks, or shopped for Charmin on Amazon, knows that toilet paper has been really hard to come by.
But fret not, ye citizens of the modern world. There's an option that won't require you to go rummaging for frayed strands of rope or heading to a cornfield on the outskirts of town.
Some local restaurants are getting creative by rebranding themselves as grocery stores, offering all sorts of sundry items and necessities, including paper for your poophole.
The 4R Restaurant Group, which operates 4Rivers Smokehouses and The Coop, has launched Groceries 4R You offering consumers items that are currently scarce at traditional retailers.
Items like milk, disposable plates, rice, beans, meat, paper towels and, yes, toilet paper can be ordered by going to 4riverssmokehouse.com and thecoopwp.com then picked up curbside via a "pop-up drive-thru" tent at any 4 Rivers Smokehouse locations across the city (except the downtown Orlando location) or at the Coop in Winter Park during normal business hours. (Word to the impatient: We tried ordering at both places and were only able to locate the grocery option on the Coop's site as we published this, so you might need to give 4R a bit of time to catch up.)
Sixty Vines, which recently opened at Lakeside Crossing in Winter Park, has put together $60 "quarantine kits" that provide everything from filet mignons to pasta to fresh fruit, along with a couple of rolls of toilet paper.
In Baldwin Park, restaurateurs Jason and Sue Chin have also got into the game by launching a makeshift market at Seito Sushi. In addition to offering an array of menu items and higher-end foodstuffs, their pantry makes available such provisions as eggs, milk and butter along with sanitizer liquid and toilet paper.
Across the street at Osprey Tavern, you can score a couple of TP rolls with a purchase of a $25 "Old Fashioned" cocktail kit.
Over in Eola Heights, Curate, the wine shop inside Eola General, is throwing in a roll with every purchase of a bottle of wine.
The caveat, of course, is that the toilet paper being offered at the above establishments is only available while supplies last.
And if you still can't get your hands on some rolls, well, there is some good news.
Corn season is upon us, so go on and shuck it up.
Due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, all bars and nightclubs in Florida were closed on March 17 for 30 days. As of March 18, Central Florida restaurants are still open for takeout and delivery, and grocery stores are open during limited hours. Follow CDC guidelines and Orange County advisories on staying safe.