Best Theme Park for Beer-Loving Dads: SeaWorld

SeaWorld

Sure, SeaWorld still has a way to go on things like improving customer service, updating its fading facilities and correcting its still-questionable ethical treatment of animals, but it is hands down the best park for dads. There's pretty much beer everywhere, and best of all you get two free beers just for dragging your family there in the first place. Got a little kid who can't ride shit? Take 'em to that dog and cat show. Got a dumb teen that complains about everything? Buy 'em a $19 fastpass and don't see them for the rest of the day. If you're smart, you'll get the season pass, which is stupidly cheap and essentially includes a free pass to Aquatica.