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Movie: Timeline

Our Rating: 1.50

At recurring intervals, this putrid Michael Crichton adaptation (directed by Richard Donner, no less) seems destined to join "Highlander 2" and "Batman and Robin" in the fanboy hall of shame, but its all-time stinker status is forestalled by long stretches of plain old boredom. Clumsy exposition, convenient coincidences, wild assumptions and blatant foreshadowing drive the story of a time-traveling rescue team sent to 1300s France to save a stranded archaeologist (Billy Connolly). Of course, there's a tight deadline to beat, and naturally the intrepid young adventurers fit more fightin' and romancin' into their paltry few hours of visitation time than were seen by entire bloodlines in 14th-century Europe. Neal McDonough of TV's "Boomtown" looks especially silly dashing about in a hooded robe; notice also that the time travelers are under strict orders to avoid behavior the locals may perceive as alien, yet nobody pays any attention to the SoCal dialect freely spouted by the archaeologist's frat-boy doofus of a son (Paul Walker). Sample howler: "Do we look like quantum wormhole specialists?" Well, a little bit around the eyes.

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