CHRISTMAS Look for us at Denny's. In the corner. All day. Weeping and slightly drunk.
KWANZAA After Christmas excess has been kicked to the curb, the celebration sprung from African-American culture kicks in. Kwanzaa, seven days and nights reserved for family-oriented fêting and feasting, starts today and ends Jan. 1. Based on African traditions and culture, Kwanzaa has a daily principle upon which to meditate: umoja (unity), kujichagulia (self-determination), ujima (collective work and responsibility), ujamaa (cooperative economics), nia (purpose), kuumba (creativity) and imani (faith). And even though the karamu feast is always supposed to be held on Dec. 31, the Orange County Regional History Center will host a "Celebration Karamu Feast & Candle Lighting" on Dec. 30, so as not to interfere with New Year's Eve. (By the way, according to the rules, Kwanzaa rituals aren't supposed to be moved around for other holidays, as that would violate "self-determination.") There will be fashion, dance, music and art, as well as African entertainment and the traditional karamu feast. And so you know, karamu is not the main course, it's the name of the festivities. (4 p.m.-7 p.m. Dec. 30 at Orange County Regional History Center; R.S.V.P. required, 407-836-8500; free)
CHRISTMAS AT SEAWORLD So why would we recommend "a program of festive holiday music" featuring performances by the Orlando Philharmonic Orchestra, a kids' chorus and a finalist from American Juniors? Because we're in the freakin' holiday spirit and candy-floss performances like this, free from any pretense of being "real" classical music, are what the holidays are all about. We've been know to occasionally bag on the OPO's propensity to dumb-down its programming for public consumption (that "opera without words" and "classics with a twist" stuff is really annoying), and though this certainly qualifies as "dumb" we'd have to be pretty Grinch-y to complain. (7:30 p.m. at SeaWorld; 800-327-2420; free with park admission; repeat performances Dec. 27-30, Jan. 1, 2)
CLASSIC ALBUMS LIVE Granted, you're never going to hear The Beatles' White Album, Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon or Led Zeppelin II performed by the original members ever again, but seeing a band cover those respective albums this Monday through Wednesday smacks of being a bit of a yawner and an expensive one at that. We could understand (maybe) parting with some Christmas cash if it was a tribute or parody band like Zoso or Dread Zeppelin. But c'mon, a stage full of studio musicians grinding out "Money," "Whole Lotta Love" and "Dear Prudence" off sheet music? A laser-light show sounds more ballsy. While we agree that the aforementioned are classic albums, it's time to move on. Seriously. ("White Album," Dec. 27; Dark Side of the Moon, Dec. 28; Led Zeppelin II, Dec. 29; shows 8:30 p.m. at Hard Rock Live, 407-351-5483; $18, $20)
JANDEK ON CORWOOD We already devoted precious space in a previous issue ("A mysterious racket," Nov. 18) to espousing the weird greatness of Jandek and the Jandek on Corwood movie, but let us say it again: Jandek is a freak. He makes a freaky racket and this movie is a relatively non-freaky documentary about him and the mystery that surrounds him. Thank god they'll be serving drinks. (8 p.m. at The Peacock Room, 407-228-0048)
7:30 p.m. at Silver Spurs Arena; also 3 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. Dec. 29. Additional shows 3 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. Dec. 30 and 3 p.m. Dec. 31 at Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, and 2 p.m. Jan. 2 at TD Waterhouse Centre; tickets for all shows $16.50-$26.50, available through Ticketmaster, 407-839-3900)
SHINEDOWN/CROSSFADE We tried coming up with something witty that played on the fact that these two bands have quite similar two-syllable names completely devoid of meaning. And then we started thinking about the incredibly boring, anonymous, washed-out radio rock that both bands play. And then we stopped thinking completely. (with No Address; 7 p.m. at House of Blues, 407-934-2583; $23.50 - $51)