HELP US KEEP REPORTING. DONATE TO ORLANDO WEEKLY PRESS CLUB.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

First Shot: I would also like huge pectoral muscles

Posted By on Tue, Jun 30, 2009 at 8:05 PM

Hot giggity damn! Of all the things I like to get, â??what I wantâ?� is right at the top of the list.

Less than a month ago, I bemoaned actor Chris Pineâ??s lamentable decision to follow up his Star Trek breakout turn by appearing in the next slab of ridiculousness scheduled to be hacked off by director Tony â??all credits in 72-pt. typeâ?� Scott.

Well, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Unstoppable -- the sensitive story of a downsized train engineer, his young replacement, and an assload of toxic chemicals â?? is encountering difficulties. As in, itâ??s not going to get made.

Oh, THR wonâ??t come right out and say as much; theyâ??re a reputable publication with significant assets to lose in case of a lawsuit. (Man, having that gig must suuuuuuuck.) But they will admit that the pictureâ??s start date has been put on hold, largely because Fox is concerned about the budget.

Yeah. You know what else has been put on hold over budgets? Me dating again. In other words, count on this sucker to never pull into the station. I mean, the script might still get used somewhere down the line, someday, somewhere, by somebody â?¦ itâ??s been kicking around for so long that Hollywood is going to want to recoup the investment. But Iâ??ll lay dollars to donuts that, if and when that happens, the final product will be helmed by someone other than Scott, co-star someone other than Pine, and use letters less than one story tall to inform us that the action on the screen is taking place on a TUESDAY.

Inexplicably, Pine is being cast as the big loser in all of this, with THR noting somberly that â??Unstoppable was to be a coming-out party of sorts.â?� Oh, sure. Head over to the office of Pineâ??s agent right now, and Iâ??m betting youâ??ll walk into a getting-out party. With some clinking of champagne glasses, followed by an exultant cry:

â??Holy sheepâ??s balls, dude; you almost had to do a Tony Scott movie!â?�

Yes, the Captain dodged a photon torpedo on this one. Now all he has to do is find a sophomore project with a loftier pedigree. Iâ??m thinking of a nice Ice Cube family comedy.


Tags:

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Orlando Weekly. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Orlando Weekly, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at feedback@orlandoweekly.com.

Orlando Weekly works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Central Florida.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Orlando’s true free press free.

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Read the Digital Print Issue

October 21, 2020

View more issues

Calendar

© 2020 Orlando Weekly

Website powered by Foundation