Tuesday, June 30, 2009

First Shot: I would also like huge pectoral muscles

Posted By on Tue, Jun 30, 2009 at 8:05 PM

Hot giggity damn! Of all the things I like to get, â??what I wantâ?� is right at the top of the list.

Less than a month ago, I bemoaned actor Chris Pineâ??s lamentable decision to follow up his Star Trek breakout turn by appearing in the next slab of ridiculousness scheduled to be hacked off by director Tony â??all credits in 72-pt. typeâ?� Scott.

Well, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Unstoppable -- the sensitive story of a downsized train engineer, his young replacement, and an assload of toxic chemicals â?? is encountering difficulties. As in, itâ??s not going to get made.

Oh, THR wonâ??t come right out and say as much; theyâ??re a reputable publication with significant assets to lose in case of a lawsuit. (Man, having that gig must suuuuuuuck.) But they will admit that the pictureâ??s start date has been put on hold, largely because Fox is concerned about the budget.

Yeah. You know what else has been put on hold over budgets? Me dating again. In other words, count on this sucker to never pull into the station. I mean, the script might still get used somewhere down the line, someday, somewhere, by somebody â?¦ itâ??s been kicking around for so long that Hollywood is going to want to recoup the investment. But Iâ??ll lay dollars to donuts that, if and when that happens, the final product will be helmed by someone other than Scott, co-star someone other than Pine, and use letters less than one story tall to inform us that the action on the screen is taking place on a TUESDAY.

Inexplicably, Pine is being cast as the big loser in all of this, with THR noting somberly that â??Unstoppable was to be a coming-out party of sorts.â?� Oh, sure. Head over to the office of Pineâ??s agent right now, and Iâ??m betting youâ??ll walk into a getting-out party. With some clinking of champagne glasses, followed by an exultant cry:

â??Holy sheepâ??s balls, dude; you almost had to do a Tony Scott movie!â?�

Yes, the Captain dodged a photon torpedo on this one. Now all he has to do is find a sophomore project with a loftier pedigree. Iâ??m thinking of a nice Ice Cube family comedy.


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