Monday, July 14, 2008

so this is why olive garden always wins.

Posted By on Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 4:38 PM

A confession: I'm hooked on E!'s The Girls Next Door, an inside look at the increasingly unsexy portrait of the passive-aggressively bitchy minutiae that goes into Hugh Hefner's keeping up with three bleach-blonde and mostly clueless girlfriends.

No, I don't watch it for what you'd think I watch it for. (Besides, the "good" stuff, in this case, would actually be too gross to fathom)

I watch it for Kendra Wilkinson, the trashy one. Her official bio states that she's the daughter of a former pro cheerleader who led a pretty middle-class life in the suburbs of San Diego. But I don't buy it for a second. With her far-off perma-gaze, her rough edges of black humor and that epic horse-laugh, Kendra, while relatively adjusted and (I stress) relatively intelligent, just screams "wrong side of the tracks." She's the wild card of the bunch, the Harley Quinn if you will. She's talked before about her father abandoning her family when she was young and whereas I'm sure the other two Miss Perfects didn't gain residence in the Mansion by being the product of a loving home, Kendra wears her surely dark past like a badge of obnoxious honor. It's not that she talks about it all the time. But one gets the sense it wouldn't take much digging to unleash the demons, end-of-Raiders-style.

After the jump: So what does this mean to Salivation Army?

<@jump>

Therefore, it's not at all surprising that Playboy.com (Cyber Playboy, for the tragically late-'90s crowd) allowed Olive Garden employees to send in their pics and, if chosen, be shot nude for an online-only pictorial (NOT in the real pages, they stress. Sad), and that Kendra herself is the driving force behind it all.

Two Florida girls, Allysa, 21, from Ft. Myers, and Shannon, 22, from Panama City, were selected (pictured here, not nude cause that costs $20 and I'm not about to ask our big boss for that) Don't ask me which is which.

The gem here, however, is my girl Kendra talking about how much she, natch, LOVES the Olive Garden. Oh. My. God. Some excerpts:

"My favorite thing to eat at the Olive Garden is a toss-up of three things â?? HAHAHAHAHA! â?? the artichoke dip, the salad and the chicken parmegan."

"I eat so many breadsticks when I go to Olive Garden. I can't stop eating the stuff. Man, I ... ooh."

Strangely, the Olive Garden has stressed it is NOT affiliated with this pictorial or Kendra. Cold-hearted bastards.

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