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Friday, June 13, 2008

SHOCKER: R. Kelly not guilty on all counts

Posted By on Fri, Jun 13, 2008 at 5:38 PM

Ladies, lock up your daughters. Perennially pervy (and at times awesome - read our defense of the creep here) R&B star R. Kelly has been found not guilty on all counts of child porn and sex with a minor, despite a widely-distributed and cringed-over video that clearly shows a man who looks exactly like Kelly having, you know, sex with a minor (she was 13, people). And peeing on her. And the dead-eyed girl calling him "Daddy."

The defense's case was built on the fact that the man in the video did not have a large mole on his back, which apparently, Kelly has. The singer was facing 14 criminal charges and 15 years in prison.

The prosecution's case was built on THE GIRL IN THE VIDEO SAYING IT WAS R. KELLY and, like, 14 other people testifying that he's a total freak.

Oh, and in case any of you Sentinel commenters read this story, the jury consisted of 9 men and 3 women; 8 were white and 4 were black. So don't start.

Also, Tim Russert died of a heart attack. Maybe cuz he heard this news before the rest of us. He'll be sorely missed.

Below, a sampling of the fun we've all had at the innocent man's expense:

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