Thursday, January 8, 2004

Review -  

Artist: Bowl them over

Posted on Thu, Jan 8, 2004 at 4:00 AM

 
Label:  
Media: CD
Format: Album
WorkNameSort:  

Nothing is more American than sex, violence and sex-and-violence, so here are three separate but somehow equal discs, "Welcome to Peach Island," "The Backyard," and "Bikini Bandits Experience." Taken as a whole, this trio could provide adequate background noise/entertainment for your next trucker-hat-ironic or otherwise stereotypical bachelor's night, or perhaps a NASCAR- or Super Bowl-inspired gathering of mostly male meatheads.

Masturbatory aid "Welcome to Peach Island" exposes an all-female, predominantly Caucasian lineup of naughty ladies who love to strip down to their birthday suits. Thus exposed, they writhe vertically, roll horizontally (in sand or surf) and/or lightly fondle themselves or the exterior genitalia of another special lady while on a Hawaiian beach, sun deck, hot tub or at sea. Among the bonus features: Watch and listen as the models take direction from the photographers; interactively match a girl to a lei in the correct order and you get to see more of the disc (you have five tries before you get to see more anyway); and experience multiple camera angles.

Meanwhile, the boys (and a few females) remind us that the most interesting part of a professional wrestling match is always the crowd. "The Backyard" is the Brooklyn International Film Festival's Audience Award winner for best documentary, and it takes an unflinching look at the realities of the backyard-wrestling phenomenon in this great land of ours. The brutal footage of actual pretend violence is done at the risk of serious physical danger. Consider the considerable lack of precaution taken by the wanna-be pro-wrassler participants and the props employed: lightbulbs, street signs, barbed wire, razor blades, fire and baseball bats with barbed wire wrapped around 'em. This is an anthropological documentary with a liberal dose of "Jackass"-style Grand Guignol. The special commentary track provides gems such as, "Now that shit had to hurt."

Somewhere between the wrasslin' and workin' it to bosomy babes is "Bikini Bandits Experience," a Troma-esque, tits-and-ass simulacrum of semicomedy semiclassics such as "The Groove Tube" and "The Kentucky Fried Movie." The presence of Corey Feldman, Dee Dee Ramone, Jello Biafra and the late Hank the Angry Dwarf do nothing to undercut the visual themes of girls in bikinis brandishing firearms, men in ridiculous outfits debasing themselves in the name of comedy, and girls in bikinis standing near classic Detroit drivin' irons, such as the '70 Mustang Mach 1, '69 Cougar and '65 GTO 389 Tri-power four-speed. Music from the likes of Peaches and the Fucking Champs plays over all the action of the Bandits strutting around in slow motion. Special features include music videos from Dee Dee Ramone, Phantom Planet and Toilet Boys; an extra piece of crap titled "The Adventures of Dirty Sanchez" that explores the comedy possibilities involved in anal rape; and behind-the-scenes footage that proves that even if you make a crappy movie you still get to have a party when it opens.

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