Wise beyond their leers 


In November, Ten's World Class Cabaret (a strip joint) asked New York Supreme Court justice Stephen Crane to be exempt from New York City's anti-nudity rules because it had begun to admit children to the premises and thus was no longer an "adult" establishment that the rules applied to. Crane ruled in favor of Ten's, which at press time at least twice had admitted children (accompanied by a parent, of course) for lunch, with dancers in the background.

Triumph of the wool

The Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation (Alberta, Canada) announced in November that this year's single permit to hunt an Alberta big-horn sheep was won by Sherwin Scott of Phoenix with a high bid of $405,000 (U.S.). The foundation will use the money for conservation. Scott said he was elated at his victory, but as to the amount, he said, "You can't make sense out of this."

Neighborhood watch

In October, a California appeals court reinstated the 1997 jury verdict for Robert Cunningham against his Orange County homeowners' association for meddling. Over a two-year period, the association had ordered Cunningham to clean up not only an outside patio but also the inside of his unit, claiming that he had too many books and newspapers lying around, that his bed was too messy and that piles of old clothing should be given to charity.

Wee beasties

A 12-year-old boy was let off with six months' probation in West Bloomfield Township, Mich., in October after he admitted urinating in his teacher's water bottle. Although she went to the hospital with nausea and stomach cramps, the boy's lawyer said, "The bottom line is, urine is not harmful to drink." And 10 days later in Tucson, Ariz., Caroline Gomez Maldonado, 42, was arrested and charged with chasing a reluctant 8-year-old stranger down the street in order to convince him to urinate into a cup so Maldonado could use it for an upcoming test as part of her probation on drug charges.

Caution a commotion

Jordan Locke, 5, was suspended from elementary school in Pittsburgh in October when he showed up in his Halloween firefighter costume that included a 5-inch plastic hatchet, which the school calls a "weapon" (though firefighters call it a "tool"). And in November, a Canoga Park, Calif., advertising agency was forced to pull ads for perfectly legal Alterna Hemp Shampoo from 106 bus-stop benches because an anti-drug group complained that "hemp" should not be portrayed favorably.

Economic cushion

In November in Austin, Texas, Henry Benedict, owner of the under-renovation adult theater Cinema West, announced that he will defray renovation costs at a public celebration of the new building by selling the 500 seats from the old theater as souvenirs for $25 each.

Parole models

In October in Kitchener, Ontario, a man was sentenced to six months' probation living away from his 15-year-old stepson, as punishment for growing 20 marijuana plants; he said that he planted them so the boy would not be exposed to the "dangers of street drugs." And in November in Milwaukee, a man was convicted for supplying his 13-year-old virgin son with a prostitute, saying it was about time he learned.

Family getaway

Harry Gilmore Watts, 32, a Baltimore police dispatcher, was arrested in August and charged with chauffeuring his son and a friend, both 15, to rob a Peoples Bank. And on the same day, in Medford, Ore., Cynthia Alice Lockinger, 40, pleaded guilty to robbing two banks while her three daughters waited in the back seat of the getaway car.

Hard ass

Hard ass

In 1996, "News of the Weird" reported on a new breeding of sheep that produces more muscular flanks (in fact, it is named the "beautiful buttocks" strain) and 30 percent more meat. In November 1998, a scientist with England's Meat and Livestock Commission said the scheme has been abandoned because the resultant meat was invariably "tough as old boots," and unfortunately the best food technologists have not been able to find a way to tenderize it.


Speaking of News Of The Weird

More by Chuck Shepherd

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Calendar

© 2016 Orlando Weekly

Website powered by Foundation