"The big bounce" 


Last week, the Orange County Sheriff's Office said that it had received at least 24 complaints from Walt Disney World guests who claimed to have been fondled by the costumed character Tigger. Investigators were said to be sifting the truths from the potential falsehoods in the guests' tales of being felt up by Tigger's hairy paws -- which a former cast member described to the Orlando Sentinel as "slightly less cumbersome than an oven mitt."

CASE NUMBER # 03-264937
Victim's name: xxxxxxxx
Date: 6/2/2003

Details: The victim, hereinafter referred to as xxxxxxxx, was among the first to come forward. Her story shares some major details with other accounts on file.

xxxxxxxx says she encountered Tigger late one day outside Mickey's PhilharMagic and asked him to pose for a snapshot with her family. As a cousin was getting ready to take the photo, xxxxxxxx felt the character's paws caressing her buttocks; after a few moments of awkward non-response, he began bending her forward to simulate animal husbandry for the camera. When she resisted, the suspect became belligerent, throwing his paws in the air in what xxxxxxxx feels were gang-like motions while chanting, "Ain't no fun if the tiggas can't have none." To her shock and dismay, he then pulled out a 9 mm pistol and blew several gaping holes in the facade of It's a Small World.

Panicked by his own outburst, Tigger then instructed her to hide the weapon in her underwear before park security could arrive. She complied -- more out of fear than anything else -- and the perp swiftly made his escape.

xxxxxxxx describes her reaction to the incident as "confused, terrorized, and ashamed," though her children, fervent followers of the gangsta-rap genre, are said to have found the entire scenario "hilarious."

CASE NUMBER # 03-264937
Victim's name: xxxxxxxx
Date: 11/16/2003

Details: Victim xxxxxxxx says she was assaulted during a character breakfast in the Crystal Palace Ballroom. But unlike other respondents, who have singled out Tigger as the culprit, xxxxxxxx claims to have been gang-molested by several inhabitants of the Hundred-Acre Wood.

Though Tigger led the effort, she recalls, most of the harm was done by Piglet, who ran his hoof up her inner thigh while crudely inquiring if she was interested in "makin' bacon." According to xxxxxxxx, the swine volunteered to take her to a secluded portion of the property and show her "Piglet's Big Movie," a reference she didn't entirely understand but found threatening anyway.

As xxxxxxxx tells it, the lone holdout was Eeyore, who spent the incident huddled in a corner and moaning that they'd probably all get in big trouble for this.

Upon receiving xxxxxxxx's complaint, Sheriff's Deputy xxxxxxxx paid a visit to the park, only to find most of the accused off-premises without permission and unavailable for questioning. The deputy was, however, able to extract a confession from 'Roo, who sobbed that he had spent his whole life "in the pocket" and was merely seeking access to a portion of the guest's anatomy that was both comfortable and familiar. Legal experts are currently deciding if 'Roo, a minor, should be tried as an adult due to the severity of the crime.

CASE NUMBER # 03-264944
Victim's name: xxxxxxxx
Date: 10/15/2003

Details: In this incident, Tigger is accused not only of inappropriate touching, but full-on impregnation of a guest.

Victim xxxxxxxx was one-half of a newlywed couple honeymooning at WDW in the fall of 2003. Their celebrations included a nighttime reception for new marrieds -- a soiree attended by Tigger, who appeared in the role of a tuxedoed beverage waiter. xxxxxxxx felt something was slightly amiss when the frisky striped character refused to let her turn down some complimentary champagne, "laying on that hyperactive Tigger pressure" until she agreed to consume one glass. This seemed to brighten the animal's spirits, xxxxxxxx says, and she later overheard him chuckling conspiratorially to Aladdin while saying something about "roofies" Ð a discussion she thought concerned "more of those cute Disney characters, like the Woozles."

Shortly thereafter, xxxxxxxx began to feel dizzy and excused herself to visit the rest room. She remembers Tigger following her into a stall before everything went black.

xxxxxxxx's husband, xxxxxxxx, takes up the story: "Sure enough, nine months after our vacation, the wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. And when it bounced a total of 17 times before coming to a stop on the delivery-room floor, we knew it was Tigger's."

CASE NUMBER # 03-264958
Victim's name: xxxxxxxx
Date: 2/14/2004

Details: Introducing herself as "more angry and hurt than scandalized," xxxxxxxx contacted the Sheriff's office after reading in the press about Tigger's naughty antics.

A divorced Midwesterner and lifelong fan of the character, xxxxxxxx complains that her recent trip to WDW earned her no attention from Tigger whatsoever, though she was careful to plan her day around the character's on-duty shifts and always be seen in her daughter's finest low-rise jeans. In declining to initiate any untoward contact with her physical person, she says, Tigger was worsening the ill effects of a dating dry spell she was then going through, shattering her self-esteem at a time when she was vulnerable and "would have done anything to feel like a woman again. Or maybe I just needed to be held."

To make matters worse, xxxxxxxx says that one of her companionship-seeking reconnaissance missions led her to the top of the Swiss Family Treehouse, where she found Tigger engaging in heated sex play with "that cheap hoochie, Ariel." The rejection was unbearable -- particularly when obtained at the record admission price recently established by Disney. As xxxxxxxx puts it, "For a stinkin' $54.75, your prince better come. Today."


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