11551 University Blvd., 407-658-2396; also 1011 E. Colonial Drive, 407-412-6222; lazymoonpizza.com
This seems ... obvious. Pizza is classic stoner food, right? However, Lazy Moon is our top choice here for the stunting size of these damn slices. Don't get cocky and order more than one, because you'll probably fall asleep before you finish the first one. Then again, future you will probably bless present you for the leftovers.
1198 N. Orange Ave., Winter Park, 321-422-4015, buttermilk-bakery.com
Brownies are the food most classically associated with pot, though less as an accompaniment than as a vehicle, and Buttermilk's (weed-free, obviously) are the best in town – the perfect balance between fudgy and cakey, almost black with deep cocoa flavor, and topped with a subtle sprinkle of salt.
multiple locations, firstwatch.com
Hitting all the sensory sweet spots, as any good stoner food should, is Millionaire's Bacon, one of the few not-so-healthy items on First Watch's menu: four slices of smoky bacon baked with brown sugar, black pepper and cayenne, then drizzled with maple syrup. Note: They close at 2:30 p.m.; if you're faded enough by that hour to be seeking serious snackage, more power to you.
710 N. Mills Ave., 407-237-0013, facebook.com/kingbaoorlando
They are aptly named, these nuggets of 'tater, evoking all the fire-emoji, heart-eyes-emoji, 100-emoji goodness you need: tots tossed in srirach aioli and topped with jalapeños, togarashi (a Japanese chile powder mix) and chives. Get two orders. Not a capsicum fiend? Porky's Tatchos, topped with braised pork, cheddar cheese sauce, sour cream and jalapeños fit the stoner-snack profile.
2101 E. Colonial Drive, 407-894-5673, lovinghut.us
All the fried: two kinds of golden-fried nuggets (one soy, one vegetable-based) and a plethora of tempura: green beans, sweet potato wedges, and chewy king oyster mushroom – plus a side of Asian cabbage slaw. Add a taro milkshake and get it all to go, because if you're feeling at all paranoid, the quasi-culty Supreme Master channel playing on all the TVs will freak you out.
East End Market, 3201 Corrine Drive, 321-236-3316, domufl.com
Whole chicken wings fried Korean-style (usually a double-frying method involving rice flour for exquisite crispiness, though Domu didn't reveal their actual technique) annointed with Korean butter sauce and sesame seeds. So crunchy, so chewy, so salty-sour-sweet ... so perfect.
Chuan Lu Garden
1101 E. Colonial Drive, 407-896-8966; also 11891 E. Colonial Drive, 407-282-3388; chuanluorlando.com
Get another buzz off the numb-spicy Sichuan peppercorns and dried red chilis these excellent, just slightly greasy Scooby snacks are tossed with (along with salt and hint of sugar). La zi refers to the preparation, not the chicken itself, and if you don't want bird they also do la zi fried fish filets, tofu or eggplant.
Izziban Sushi and BBQ
5310 E. Colonial Drive, 407-270-8811, izziban.com
Pick four meats and get to grilling at this Korean BBQ joint, where your $20 includes a buffet of sides and all-you-can-eat sushi rolls as well. Just be aware that if you don't clean your plate, you'll get charged extra: A warning on the menu reads: "If you leave more than 1/2 pound food, you must pay additional $29.99." Consider it a motivational message.
22 E. Washington St., 407-841-5626; also 2406 E. Robinson St., 407-896-5626; gringoslocos.com
Another obvious choice, but a solid one: Gringos' double-decker tacos come in a crunchy shell that's cemented with queso spread to an enfolding soft tortilla, then filled with your choice of meat, cheese, lettuce, pico de gallo and sour cream.
multiple locations, graffitijunktion.com
Staring down at Graffiti Junktion's nachos platter, all you'll be able to think of is that Fun Spot USA commercial: "IT'S HUUUUUGE!" There's nothing out of the ordinary – chicken or ground beef, cheese, salsa, sour cream, shredded iceberg lettuce, over multicolored chips – but that big overnproof aluminum tray bears the most basic of munchie-slayers, so just give in.
Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.