And now it's time for 'That's Unbelievable' -- the latest from the world of sports -- with Orlando's own Guy Buddy and Jack Jock."
(Music up. Cut to Sports Desk on camera three. Two-shot.) "Hello, everyone, this is Guy Buddy."
"And I'm Jack Jock."
"And welcome to 'That's Unbelievable!'"
"Well, Jack, it's been another unbelievable week in local sports."
"It sure has, Guy, and the major story of this past week has to be the Orlando Magic's bid for a jackpot of local tax dollars to build them a brand-new arena. And that's unbelievable!"
(Cut to camera one. Background graphic of T.D. Waterhouse Centre.) "You bet, Jack. It seems that billionaire Rich DeVos and his team of pampered, overpaid executives have decided that the 12-year-old venue that has been the Magic's home for the past dozen seasons just isn't turning a big enough profit to justify their continued presence. And even though the city still owes $16.3 million on the old center, the Magic say it's time for the city and the county to pony up some more dough! Unbelievable!"
(Cut to camera two. Background graphic of team owner Rich DeVos surrounded by Amway products.) "And you know, Guy, what's really fascinating about this whole thing is that these jokers are only losing about 8 million bucks a year, which is like 80 cents to a guy like DeVos -- or less than one year of Grant Hill's salary ... and he's not even playing this season because he hurt his ankle! I mean, is that unbelievable, or what?"
(Cut to camera one. Background graphic of Magic player's Windermere estate.) "It is, Jack, especially when you consider that DeVos is on record as saying that he's against government handouts to poor people. I guess when you're as rich as he is, it's not a 'handout' ... it's an 'investment!' Unbelievable!" (Hearty laughter.)
(Cut to camera two. Background graphic of local politicians hugging Magic executives.) "So, Jack, you think the city and county commissioners will see it from the Magic's point of view?"
(Cut to camera one. Background graphic of same local politicians smiling and enjoying Magic game from their arena skybox seats.) "Oh, no doubt, Guy, you know how sports can 'bring the community together.'" (Gales of hearty laughter.)
(Cut to camera three. Two-shot.) "That's unbelievable! But, now, on a more somber note, Jack -- racing fans lost one of their own this past week with the unbelievable demise of The Intimidator, Ol' No. 3, Dale Earnhardt, in that unbelievable crash on the final turn at the Daytona 500."
(Cut to camera two. Background video of Earnhardt's car crashing into wall.) "Yep, Guy, it certainly was unbelievable. I mean, when you think of how unlikely it is that a guy going 'round and 'round a track at 180 miles an hour might actually crash into a cement wall ... well, you'd just have to say ... it's unbelievable!"
(Cut to camera one. Background video of Earnhardt's car crashing into wall from camera aboard the Goodyear blimp.) "Truly, Jack, I know racing fans all over Central Florida are just in shock at the unbelievable events that took place during last Sunday's race."
(Cut to camera one. Background video of Earnhardt's car crashing into wall from camera on his own dashboard.) "Say, Guy, this just in: It seems that NASCAR will be asking Orange County to help it build a brand-new speedway in downtown Orlando, made entirely of rubber, so that the unbelievable events of last Sunday may never again rob racing fans of one of their own."
(Cut to camera one. Background graphic of architect's rendering of the new Earnhardt Center.) "That's a terrific notion, Jack. You think they'll get it?"
(Cut to camera two. Background graphic of artist's rendering of local politicians smiling and enjoying themselves in their new Earnhardt Center skybox seats.) "Oh, absolutely, Guy. If there's one thing our leaders understand, it's just how sports can 'bring the community together.'"
(Cut to camera one. Background graphic of aging, crumbling portable school building. Mistaken graphic hastily pulled.) "What the ... ? Hey, Jack, looks like someone in the booth's been hittin' too much of that $5 arena beer. Well, partner, that's all the time we have, so I guess all we can say to our fans out there is ... 'That's Unbelievable!'"
(Cut to camera three. Two-shot. Music up. Roll credits. Fade to black.)
Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.