SAVAGE LOVE 


;I'm a 22-year-old woman with a 21-year-old live-in boyfriend of 11 months. My boyfriend loves eating my ass. He goes for my ass when I wake up, after I get out of the shower, when I get home from work. At first it felt good as hell, but now it's too freaky. I can't imagine that anyone's ass tastes that good. We haven't had vaginal sex or cunnilingus for a month! I made up every excuse possible for him not to do it, but he became violent and went into a rage accusing me of infidelity. I love him, but the whole ass thing has completely freaked me out. Should I stay or should I go?

;;Grossed Out In Baltimore

;;

;;Smart women everywhere regard baseless accusations of infidelity — particularly ones that come packaged in violence and rage — as proof that it's time to DTMFA, GOIB.

;

;Butt first: There's nothing wrong with a man who wants to eat a woman's ass — or toss her salad, as the straight kids say. And no, ladies, there's nothing gay about a boy sticking his tongue up a girl's butt. Like most every sex act, save solo or cyber, eating ass carries health risks — all the usual STIs along with intestinal parasites (it does, however, present a relatively low risk for HIV transmission). Tossers can minimize their risks by eating only freshly showered butt and by reserving rimming, as the gay kids call it, for regular partners who you know to be in good sexual health.

;

;Back to your boyfriend: His thing for your ass isn't the problem. Sure, his sexual selfishness is problematic (it feels good to have your salad tossed, but not to the exclusion of all other activities), but that issue is eclipsed by your boyfriend's willingness to resort to violence in order to manipulate you sexually. That should freak you out more than the ass-eating thing. If he's flying into violent rages to get you to submit to his sexual demands, then he's an abuser and you need to dump the motherfucker already.

;

;

;;Won't Dump Her For Head asked you for a special blow job dispensation for his girlfriend on the grounds that her uncle mouth-fucked her in her formative years. (Who else can give such a waiver, by the way? That power puts you up there with the pope!) As a straight woman who also got mouth-raped by a family member, and got past it, I think your advice was great.

;

; I also have a thought for the girlfriend in question. Blow away, tenderly and gingerly! If you start to freak out, remember, this guy is not your uncle. Leave the lights on and look at him. See, that's not your uncle! If he is the caring, genuine sort of guy his letter makes him sound like, lick and slurp away. NOT as an obligation or GGG rule, but as a fun experiment in keeping your body, mind and mouth fully in the present moment.

;

;Converted Blow-job Lover

;;Thanks for the tips, CBL, and congrats on refusing to let your mouth-raping relative ruin oral sex for you forever.

;;

;;Hi again. I'm the one who sent the original ITMFA/Impeach the Motherfucker Already letter. I just wanted to let you know how completely delightful I've found the reaction. This weekend I saw my first ITMFA lapel pin, worn by a friend of a friend; she said she'd bought a bunch more to give away. Thanks for publicizing the idea and working so hard. It's been great to see all these people with similar sentiments, expressed on their person or their car — and of course to have encouraged a contribution to the ACLU. Seeing the acronym spread out like this reminds me to keep my outrage funny. It's a kind of whetstone for the blade.

;;FixWeed

;;

;;The ITMFA campaign has raised, as of this writing, $13,500 — which is remarkable, considering that the most expensive things for sale at www.ITMFA.com are $5 lapel pins. The total cost of the buttons and pins, envelopes and postage so far comes to $7,000 (postage is freakin' expensive — who knew?), leaving $6,500 in profit. As I never expected to raise that much money, I've decided to donate half to the ACLU, as promised, and give the other half to Ned Lamont, the man challenging U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman in the Democratic primary in Connecticut. I'm tempted to mail a check to Stephen Colbert, too, as a thank-you for his performance at the White House Correspondents Association dinner. But I'm thinking Colbert makes plenty of money, so I'm gonna send him some ITMFA lapel pins instead — hell, if you could toss a man's salad through the mail, I'd do that for Colbert too.

;;

;

;;I just read your response to Obtuse And Flummoxed, who you advised to Google first, ask questions later. Another great resource I've found is www.urbandictionary.com. When I didn't know what a "houdini" was, that's the first place I went!

;

;;Inquiring Mind

;;

;;Urban Dictionary has been very, very good to me over the years, and I should have mentioned it. Making matters worse, I was incorrect when I wrote that a person could find out what "CBT" stands for by Googling it. The first results when you Google CBT are cognitive-behavior therapy, computer-based training, Chicago Board of Trade and the Cleveland Buddhist Temple. But if you enter CBT into www.urbandictionary.com, the correct answer pops right up: "CBT stands for ‘cock and ball torture.' Torture can be inflicted by: slapping, squeezing, pinching … the testicles can stand great pain but caution should be taken." Words to live by.

; mail@savagelove.net

Speaking of Columns

Latest in Savage Love

More by Dan Savage

Readers also liked…

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Calendar

© 2016 Orlando Weekly

Website powered by Foundation