I'm 18 years old, dating a 24-year-old. We accidentally got pregnant and are expecting in January. We love each other and we want to stay together, but he doesn't want to talk about getting married. Because the pregnancy was an accident and because I decided to keep it, I feel that he secretly resents me and has lost attraction for me. His sex drive has gone way down. We still have sex, but only because I beg him to. He says he loves me and still thinks I'm attractive, but his actions speak way louder than his words. I can't even talk to him anymore about it because I always end up crying. What can I do?

Pregnant And Deprived

Doesn't your boyfriend read the papers, PAD? According to the State of New York's highest court, the institution of marriage exists expressly to entice the likes of him — that is, irresponsible straight boys — into marrying the likes of you — that is, irresponsible straight girls. Since heterosexual relationships are "often casual or temporary," and since "unstable relationships between people of the opposite sex present a greater danger that children will be born into or grow up in unstable homes," the court found that the state can deny same-sex couples — with kids, without kids, whatever — the right to marry. Marriage is set aside exclusively for folks like you!

And you mean to tell me that your boyfriend doesn't want to marry you? What a fucking ingrate! I'm not sure what you can do about it, but perhaps those justices in New York can help you out. Maybe one of the justices can hold the shotgun while another officiates?

I'm a middle-aged guy, more twisted than most. I'm lucky enough to be married to a very sexy lady who goes along with most of my kinks, even to the point of visiting me while I'm taking a bath and squatting down to give me a drink of her lovely recycled juices. My question: She has given me a "free pass" to fulfill the kinks that she is not quite up to. I've always wanted to have a gay sex encounter, and I'd like to try it before I get too old or chicken out. But I would look silly cruising a bar, and I'm skeptical about Internet personal ads. Any ideas?

Middle-Aged Kinkster

No ideas, MAK. No advice, no guidance, no pointers.

You know why I got nothin' for you? Because if we gay guys aren't allowed to be married — to each other — then you married straight guys aren't allowed to be gay. Not even once, not even if you're just going to put it in a little, not even with the wife's permission. (Married Canadian straight guys can be as gay as they like, of course — have at it, fellas.)

I am a straight man, married with kids. I'm happy, but I need help. There's something I want to try but my wife is scared. I have always wanted to watch her getting banged by another dude. I also want to get it on with a hot guy. I have talked to her about it and all I can get her to do is talk about boys we both find cute and do a little role-playing. How do I get her to actively look for Mr. Right for both of us? How come all women wanna get freaky with another girl but when it come to male bi-ness the door is closed?

In Need Of Hot Boy

Oh, great. Another letter from a legally married "straight" wannabe cocksucker.

Look, INOHB, while lots of women are turned on by the images of men getting it on — there weren't that many gay guys watching the American version of Queer as Folk — many women feel that a gay sex act somehow diminishes the masculinity of both men involved. Is it fair? No. Is it a double standard? Yes. What can be done about it? Not much.

As for your problem, it's like I told MAK: Until us gay male cocksuckers can get married, I'm done helping out married "straight" male cocksuckers.

I was dating an amazing guy — smart, funny, caring and interesting. I enjoyed hooking up with him, but it was never one of those, "Oh man, I just have to have you" things. Enter my good friend, who I'd been harboring a crush on for quite some time. We were at a party — this was about three months into my relationship with Boy No. 1 — and it turned out that he was interested! And since my attraction to him is extremely intense, we had sex. I thought he would want to date me after that, so I broke up with Boy No. 1. Turns out, it was just a one-night stand. Oops.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and I still really like Boy No. 1. Having sex with Boy No. 2 was a mistake. I feel terrible, but I want my old boyfriend back!

Stupid Bitch In South Carolina

You fucked around on him, you fucked with his ego and you fucked with his emotions. Now have the decency to fuck off.

Read any good books this summer, Dan?

Beach Reading

Why yes, I have, BR. This summer I've enjoyed The End of Iraq by Peter W. Galbraith; Virginity or Death! by Katha Pollitt; Seventy Times Seven by Salvatore Sapienza; and My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up by Stephen Elliott. (That last title hasn't been released yet — I got an advance copy.) I recommend 'em all.

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