My girlfriend and I are into male-orgasm denial. We've recently tried putting Orajel on my cock and then covering it with two condoms so she can use me as a dildo without me getting off or even feeling anything. It works great.

Is there any chance of long-term health issues if we do this once a week or so?

Numb-Dicked Dude

You didn't say which kind of Orajel you are using, but I hope it's not Orajel Advanced Tooth Desensitizer. Its active ingredient — created to treat sensitive teeth, not desensitize cock — is something called "2-hydroxyethyl methacrylate," which sounds like something you might find in baby formula that was made in China. The stuff works, according to Orajel's website, "by blocking dentinal tubules, preventing excitation of the tooth nerve." And, hey, if it's safe enough for your mouth, it's probably safe enough for your cock and for newborns, right? Well, maybe not. A very quick search of the interwebs using that Googlemajob turns up a paper in the Journal of Dental Research with this rather alarming title: "2-Hydroxyethyl Methacrylate (HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer of Apoptotic Cell Death in Human and Mouse Cells."

Any responsible sex-advice professional would read the paper in its entirety, but I'm an alarmist sex-advice professional, not a responsible one, so I'm just going to lay that title on you one more time: "2-Hydroxyethyl Methacrylate (HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer of Apoptotic Cell Death in Human and Mouse Cells." I don't know about you, but I've always erred on the side of not smearing my dick with shit that kills mice. (Not all brands of Orajel contain this ingredient, but a boy can't be too careful.)

It seems particularly foolish to smear any kind of Orajel on your cock when there are products on the market specifically designed for desensitizing cocks, like Mandelay gel and Proloonging's "penis desensitizing aid delay spray." These products are marketed to men who suffer from premature ejaculation, even though numbing the dick doesn't really cure premature ejaculation. They sound perfect for you and your orgasm-denying girlfriend, though, and I'd recommend 'em over that potential rat poison you're using now.

I'm a gay guy, 25, in great shape, no STDs. To make me happy, any long-term relationship will need to have a strong BDSM element to it. And I'm having a lot of trouble finding a BDSM relationship that makes me happy. If I mention my BDSM needs up front when I meet a guy, I get the "never done it, never will" response or the "ew, gross" response. When I date a guy before I mention it, the guy is usually willing to try it, but it's always because he likes me and wants to get me off. So while I'm feeling the pain, I'm not feeling dominated. When I try to find guys specifically into BDSM (leather bars, fetish websites), I only find physically unattractive guys. I know I'm not the only young, attractive gay guy in Chicago into restraints and pain. But how do I find the others?

Finding Extremely Deficient

Erotic Xcitement

Go to and search for profiles featuring guys who included "S&M" among their interests. You'll find tons of guys under 30, many of them very good-looking, and lots in Chicago. So keep looking, FEDEX. Very few gay guys your age, kinky or not, have managed to find a person they can see entering an LTR with … so no more whining, OK? Continue to search online and in leather bars, continue to be honest with the guys you date, and sooner or later you'll meet someone who's as anxious to introduce you to his parents as he is to torture your cock and balls.

RealTouch, the new sex toy for men that you wrote about recently, is a porn-marketing device, not a sex toy. Note that it says on their website that the first "30 minutes `are` free" (translation: You'll have to pay the rest of the time) and that the FAQ says explicitly that it cannot be used by itself. It's a scam.

Not Buying One

"RealTouch is only activated by the … movies in our video-on-demand library," says Jim McAnally (a pseudonym, I'm thinkin') at RealTouch HQ. A per-minute price has not been established, as the toy is not yet being sold — but "the device `will be` activated with 30 minutes when it is purchased."

So you're right, NBO: RealTouch could be considered a porn-marketing device. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a scam: "The device is driven by a haptic data stream that we have to encode with a lot of detail," McAnally added. "It takes eight hours to encode 15 minutes' worth of content. And that data stream doesn't exist outside of the video that has been encoded."

Good to know. But many men will be disappointed to learn that they can only use this toy when they're watching porn. Here's hoping that RealTouch 2.0 has more functions.

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