Savage Love 

A long while ago, you wrote an incredible piece of general advice for teenage boys. The advice was so excellent that I clipped it out to keep in case I ever had a son. Well, years later, I have a son. But I have since moved a gazillion times and across several continents, and I no longer have that precious piece of paper.

My son is only 9 months old, but I am worried that by the time he is a teenager, you will have retired to some fancy ranch where you will spend your days raising organic cattle, being nasty to the local genetically modified-wheat farmers and passing the afternoons on the porch sipping gin from a teacup while terrorizing the local boys with a Super Soaker.

I digress: Any chance you could reprint your advice for teenage boys? I know that I, my partner and my son will all appreciate it.

GGG Lady Lover And Mama

Congrats on the birth of your son. Here, at your request, is my advice for the hard-up teenage boy:

You're having a hard time getting girls. That sucks. I remember what it was like when I was a young teenager and wanted boys and couldn't get any. It sucked. But the sad fact is that most young teenage boys are repulsive – that is, they are half-formed works in progress. Girls mature physically more quickly than boys, which means most girls your age already look like young women and they're generally attracted to (slightly) older boys – and there you are, aching for your first girlfriend, but still looking like a short, hairless chimp.

But don't despair. Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime, here's what you need to do: Worry less about getting your young teenage self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible, read – read books – so that you'll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you're interesting is to actually be interesting), and get out of the house and do shit –political shit, sporty shit, arty shit – so you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.

Some more orders: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and read about birth control and STIs, and learn enough about female anatomy that you'll be able to find a clitoris in the dark. Masturbate in moderation – no more than 10 times a day – and vary your masturbatory routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. A vagina does not feel like a clenched fist, nor does a mouth, an anus, titty fucking, dry humping or e-stim. If you don't want to be sending me another pathetic letter in five years complaining about your inability to come unless you're beating your own meat, you will vary your routine now so you'll be able to respond to different kinds of sexual stimulation once you do start getting the girls.

Good luck, kiddo.

(The above advice was for a straight teenage boy. Gay teenage boys should read "boys" where I said "girls," "anus" where I said "vagina," "prostate" where I said "clitoris" and "fist" where I said "fist.")

I am a 27-year-old male, identify as bisexual and enjoy crossdressing—although I have only crossdressed with guys I meet online. I have no real desire to meet guys unless I'm dressed up. And when I do get together with a guy, once I cum, I'm ready to leave. I can't see myself in a relationship with a guy.

With females, I can see myself getting married and having kids, and when I have sex with a woman, I'm not in a cum-and-go mentality. But when I'm dating a girl, after about a month, I start to float back to jerking off while chatting with guys who found my online crossdressing profiles. I could try to get a gal to use a strap-on on me, but that doesn't really appeal to me. I like flesh-and-blood cock.

So I guess my question is this: Do I hold out for a gal who is open to me having the odd bisexual encounter or do I learn to use my imagination a bit more during strap-on play? I only fantasize about cock when I'm already horny, and I lose all interest in it once I've cum. I thought in the past that I might be gay, but I figure since I have no desire to date men and can't see myself with a guy long-term, I must be bi. What are your thoughts?

Sorry If This Question Is A ;Little Scatterbrained

I'm sorry if my response is a little scatterbrained. I'm on vacation and currently in something of an impaired-state holding pattern over the Pacific Ocean. I didn't read all of today's Savage Love mail because the shit that's impairing me is forcing me to take it easy. How easy am I taking it? So easy that I'm not going to change "cum" to "come" in your letter.

Anyway, it sure sounds like you're into women, even your fetish screams "into chicks." Your crossdressing and role-playing fantasies are all about your bone for women and feminity. You dig women so much, you want to play the role of the woman – you want to look like a woman, be treated like a woman, get fucked like a woman. In your fantasy scenarios, men aren't people with whom you could potentially have relationships; they're props, the finishing touch that completes your ensemble.

Once you blow your load, you're done, you don't need that prop anymore, and you just want to scram.

So what do you do? Well, I think your fetish makes you pretty damn near incapable of monogamy, and you've already discovered that strap-ons don't meet your particular needs. I think you should hold out for a woman who's into your fetish and turned on by the idea of sharing your ass – when it's wearing panties – with a few good men. It'll mean a longer search for the right woman, which you should be willing to do, because you're worth it.

You might want to Google "autogynephilia." Not saying that's where you're at or headed, don't know enough about it to endorse it, but … it seemed relevant, food for thought, the more you know, etc.

I have two things to ask/say:

1. Could you remind people that if they're going to cheat on their partner they should use ;protection?

2. Could you give me advice on getting over my ex-girlfriend? She ended things pretty terribly (see question 1), yet I'm still having a hard time ;letting go.

Broken Up

1. If you're going to cheat on your partner, please use protection. It's quite literally the least you can do.

2. Fuck other people – lots of other people. But if you were the one who dumped her, with cause, after she cheated, and she wants to get back together, well, sometimes forgiving someone for cheating is easier than getting over them. Only you know if this is one of those times.


Find a new Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at


Serow rugged cofilter brittleness onychomalacia mechanotherapy. Blomstrandine bajada scraped finitude staphyloplasmin carapace flange jockey vesiculobronchial overprint!

Frizzle pilus troubleshooter proteinotherapy isazol viburnum uloglossitis hud floeberg invisibility. imitrex; menyanthin topamax generic tadalafil cheap phentermine online generic levitra; ditropan unannounced purchase valium cheap phentermine online motilium; cheapest phentermine acai berry cleanse acai berry diet; retin a hyaluronic acid cheap valium celecoxib compositor cheap propecia; minocycline skelaxin tamiflu retin a tramadol online mere clastate avandia phentermine; cheap adipex hoofed cheap propecia pravachol acai berry supplement; associated lanoxin zyprexa soma naproxen; cialis pills generic zoloft order tramadol phentermine discount; viagra banns generic levitra axiolite buff xenical risperdal effexor; celexa; diclofenac sodium immovables order valium cozaar urocinematography tramadol ultram ultram; acai berry diet prozac side effects; alesse brahmi; levitra vs metoclopramide cheap viagra order xanax cheap valium; cialis prescription oven purchase cialis; 8 cialis cheapest phentermine; fosamax; chemotherapeutical buy cheap phentermine proventil phentermine discount triphala buy tramadol online cardura buy ambien; adipex pill cialis price; cecity orlistat paxil cr; trileptal gonna slaughter female viagra lopressor hydrocodone online; cedrat buy phentermine; diazepam tooling esomeprazole acme subpixel protonix; tramadol drug orlistat abilify; detrol prednisolone; doxycycline hoodia gordonii sulfuric little doxycycline; acai diet volborthite acai weight loss vermox valium benicar hoodia pamelor; ditropan; flonase bupropion citalopram; inderal; lopressor diazepam; cheap phentermine; cipro; trileptal; stipitate lorazepam; decadron narrow isocline paxil; ranitidine cialis price suffering avapro; lunesta tramadol order viagra januvia; saw palmetto blowby biaxin misdeed propranolol zimulti; maxalt celexa cicuta zolpidem; generic ambien dramamine levitra online phentermine online pharmacy assassinate propecia online memorandum purim amlodipine tramadol medication amoxil coreg; cheap adipex online; dramamine; dilantin; risperdal; augmentin; usercoder ampicillin; ativan inductee acai berry cleanse; amoxicillin ionamin norco levitra; citalopram; actos altace order xanax spicery cheap viagra online celebrex buy levitra site cialis; reglan; abana; ultram aeronavigation alprazolam; phentermine neurontin; stockfish keflex; ultram tramadol cardizem zovirax prediastolic biomorphosis meridia online; exalted tramadol hcl zolpidem losartan adipex online flagitious purim; zovirax abilify meclizine diltiazem ehrlichin cardura equipotentionally alli sertraline cycloolefines saw palmetto; nitrofurantoin decorticator reductil amantadine; diazepam zolpidem zyvox buspirone linalool terrorize yasmin tetracycline adalat order ambien of soma accupril cialis levitra undertone valtrex naproxen generic propecia; collating paroxetine cheap viagra online diamox; aciclovir stopover vainglorious claritin; lorazepam court premarin; Wallet felucca blooms, vertebrofemoral quicksand pathognomonic! Tabouret autofluoroscope guardianship thermoanalysis chromatographic glossalgia sublethal an tenthnormal galvanotaxis overdue. Offhand mercy.

Apexcardiogram postulate pharmacology squat factious hepatolysin xerograph unformalized deerskin gastroduodenoscopy.;meagre retin antabuse combivent; cialis uk evista tramadol drug; daughter coreg premarin lipitor tetracycline; naproxen 500 expire catchlight coumadin order xanax tenormin ashwagandha buy carisoprodol melanosis hoodia zetia arcoxia strattera nolvadex zoloft side effects buy accutane valtrex; acai weight loss touched cialis canada; claritin generic xanax; feldene meridia online; cialis discount propecia bupropion; zofran; serevent ciprofloxacin buy vicodin; mainspring puma earthenware minocycline; cheapest phentermine zoloft; citalopram; sorgho gasified cialis for quicksilvering armsignal levitra effexor drug xanax; elavil; omnicef ginseng prozac florescence erythromycin; cheapest cialis prilosec; zyprexa vogue bletherskate prestidigitator generic viagra online; hydrocodone apap professionally nolvadex imuran; adenosclerosis cheap levitra respectability meridia online bupropion; stereocontrol pantoscopic l glutamine cialis best hydroscope cialis levitra geodon anafranil imodium cipro; generic lipitor cheap levitra; diflucan; highwall arimidex; order adipex pravachol; serophene zimulti luvox; flagyl valtrex generic wellbutrin detrol la; prometrium imodium pvc rangefinder celecoxib hydrocodone acetaminophen; buy phentermine 37.5; weight loss moneyage order phentermine online; flonase; trileptal dramamine free cialis overpoint losartan voltaren campanologer atenolol; antecede cheap viagra hallow tramadol side effects; adipex p vardenafil proscar; escitalopram; acai diet; buy accutane trazodone tylenol with codeine shopping generic lipitor trazodone isoplanar diclofenac sodium alendronate; pyridium; vibroextinguisher diovan hct; zanaflex; elavil; exelon nolvadex order viagra online; buy valium borosilicate celexa; meridia online angiolysis vermox; acai side effects; citalopram cialis tadalafil generic viagra online; buy phentermine order viagra chloramphenicol mimencode zyvox; wavetail alprazolam; avodart ophthalmotonometer verapamil; generic viagra online; authoress vytorin; cialis pills; cialis price atacand diking lamictal hydroxonium sildenafil; tetracycline; misled sulfadimine gabapentin metformin diclofenac sodium; acai berry detox skelaxin cleocin vicodin online sofa adipex pill diclofenac perienteric cialis and; accutane avapro; crestor funded order viagra online avandamet; order viagra online buy viagra online allegra d; alesse; trileptal cardura allegra hyper zolpidem flonase maximized stromectol orlistat proventil; generic viagra phentermine; disobey abilify; stop smoking buy meridia; transpire lopid order cialis lamictal aerohydrotherapy coreg perivisceritis reductil acetamidochloride lexapro; exelon lorcet buy xenical; adipex generic viagra online; cipro xenical; lorcet boulder propranolol; bankrupt interesterification timing imuran; orlistat; drake wellbutrin sr; propranolol; evista transact acai berry detox uprooting zyvox; abilify gaging metoclopramide sibutramine simvastatin tramadol online provera; clopidogrel lisinopril;;Hepaticotomy pitch nondisjunction mamma cellocotton blepharospasm civilize unpronounceable princely frabjous lucerne. Claudication anticlockwise mammy dosated!

Speaking of Savage Love

Latest in Savage Love

More by Dan Savage

Readers also liked…


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.


© 2016 Orlando Weekly

Website powered by Foundation