Alcohol is liquid courage. It's great for helping you summon the strength to chat up the beaut in the corner you've been eyeing all night. She's doing her own thing. She's laughing with friends, meeting new people, dancing to the music, passing out drinks, collecting money from bar patrons ... wait a minute. The gorgeous gal you've got a crush on is your bartender?
Trying to take someone home from the bar is one thing. Trying to take home the girl who's working behind the bar is another. Unlike most of the girls in the bar, your bartender isn't here to find her match. She's here to work. She can't leave if a creeper decides she's the apple of his eye. She's trapped behind the bar – a captive audience for those who like to think that, every time she makes eye contact with them, it's a sign not that she's ready to take an order, but that she's really into you, man! Surprisingly, it happens a lot.
Does trying to pick up your bartender make you a creep? Not necessarily. Sometimes there really is chemistry between a bartender and a patron, but a lot of the time, that chemistry is one-sided.
How do you know whether you're a creep or potential legit hookup material? Let's play a game and find out. How many of the following pickup lines have you used on your bartender?
Give yourself one point for each of the following lines you've used on a bartender. Now give yourself two extra points if you've left your bartender a note or your phone number on a napkin or your credit card slip.
Do you get hit on a lot?
How many phone numbers do you get a night?
You MUST have a boyfriend. I wish I was the lucky guy.
Don't mean to disrespect, but God must've taken a nap after he created you.
I love you. If I ever see you on the street, I'm going to snatch you up and take you home.
Can I get a receipt, and can you put your number on the back?
I see you here a lot. I should see you a lot more.
You have a great body. Maintain it for me.
Don't take this the wrong way, but you look good in flats. Most girls need heels, but your calves look great in flats.
I don't care if you have a boyfriend. I want you now.
What time do you get off? Do you need a ride home?
Out of all the bars I've ever been to, you are by far the most beautiful bartender I've ever seen.
Let's get clean together.
Call me when you want to grind.
You have amazing eyebrows.
1-3 points: You might not be a creep...yet.
You've only tried to pick up your bartender once or twice, but this is totally the first time you've coyly left your number for her. Who am I to judge? I can't blame you if the only cute girl in the entire bar is working. Just make sure you ask for her name before her number, otherwise you might as well go ahead and give yourself another 15 points.
4-6points: Creeper in training.
This isn't your first rodeo. You got lucky one night and scored with your bartender. Now you think you can take home any good-looking server you come across. It's worth a try, right? Telling her how great her calves look just might seal the deal.
7-12 points: Bona fide creep.
Send your friends to order your drinks because you should stay far away from the girl making them. You'd take home anything with legs and the ability to pour alcohol – if she let you, that is.
13-17 points: You're a freak
Don't even enter the bar, let alone order a drink. Bartenders aren't safe with you nearby. I'm not sure the customers are either. If you use these lines on the sober stranger who's helping you get drunk, I can only imagine what you say to the people who are already lit up.
Lindsay Gigler is a bartender and blogger. You can check out her blog, Cocktails From the Darkside, at cocktailsfromthedarkside.com.
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