PUT ON THE (S)POT 


DEC. 7, 1:46 A.M.: Two men were walking through an apartment complex parking lot in the 4500 block of Thoreau Park Drive. It should be noted, however, that strange and violent happenings sometimes occur during late-night, parking-lot strolls.

A man approached the duo asking where he could "buy some weed," police reports state, whereupon the duo replied, "We don't know," and walked away. But the need for weed can be insatiable.

"Give me all you got," the weed seeker warned, according to police reports. The duo claimed to be without cash, so the thief instead relieved them of a Nextel cell phone worth $100 and an Ecko wristwatch valued at $60. Upon pocketing the booty, our suspect leapt inside his getaway mobile and put the pedal to the metal.

But the story does not end there. The robbed duo hopped into their own car and a maniacal chase ensued. They remained hot on pot man's trail, even dodging a bullet fired from his gun, until reaching International Drive. Here, this author regrettably informs, the pursuing pair lost control of their vehicle and crashed into a light pole. Moral of the story: When robbed by an armed, cannabis-craving crook, put the machismo aside. You'll thank yourself later.

DEC. 4, 7:50 P.M.: A 55-year-old mother was sleeping at her home in the 5400 block of Lighthouse Road. Sweet slumber ceased, however, when the pungent scent of gasoline began tickling her nose.

Upon awaking, the lady was unexpectedly greeted by her son, 29, in the darkened hallway. She questioned where the fuel fragrance was coming from but received no answer. Mom headed for the front yard, which she claimed, "had just been mowed, manicured," police reports state, to further inspect. Now the stench could be traced back to the front door. She fleeted to fetch the garden hose and extinguished a thriving fire from the front of the house. It should be noted that while mom doused the flames, her boy fled the fiery scene on foot – fishy behavior, no doubt.

Gas prices go down, and suddenly it's kosher to spatter petrol on your Mom's front lawn? I think not.

DEC. 4, 7:54 A.M.: Apparently, early-morning promenades can be as hazardous as the late-night versions.

In this case, a 36-year-old man was walking alone in the Gore/Parramore area. A morning saunter turned into a gory mess, however, when a burgundy Camaro sped by and gunshots were fired. "I got shot in the head!" the man told police officers, reports state. "I just want you to take me to the hospital." Because he was gushing blood from the right side of his head, the harmed man's hospital visitation was granted. He refused to give any further information and no-no'd signing any paperwork. Weird.

DEC. 3, 1:30 P.M.: What is it with sinners heisting religious paraphernalia?

This afternoon, a man, his wife and their infant child were driving through the 700 block of Mercy Drive. When the driver missed a cell phone call, he pulled over and came to a stop on the northbound lane. He examined the missed phone number and realized it was a long-distance call, meaning he would not be able to return the call on his mobile. Duty bound to return the call, he left his wife and child alone in the vehicle, then trekked toward the nearest gas station in search of a pay phone. He found a gas station but much to his chagrin, all the pay phones were out of order. Thus far, not a keen day.

Upon re-entering his Oldsmobile, three or four boys – approximately 15 to 17 years old – grabbed his neck and began choking the man while pulling him out of the driver's side window. Another midday delinquent headed toward the open passenger-side window, but our suspect's wife, thankfully, rolled the window up in time. An additional hooligan standing at the curb pulled a knife out of his pants, the man claims, although his wife "did not specifically see what was a knife but did see him pull something out of his pants," police reports state.

It was not until the suspects fled that the man realized his $2,500 necklaces were missing. The first gold chain was a Gucci necklace equipped with a praying hands medallion. The second flaunted an 8-inch cross pendant encrusted with diamonds spelling out "Jesus."

DEC. 2, 9:45 A.M.: A 66-year old woman was at her bank in the 3000 block of West Colonial Drive when a man approached asking if she knew where the African Baptist Church was located. When she said, "No," police reports state, a second man approached, posing as a stranger.

"Black people in Africa are not allowed to go into banks," the second man stated, according to reports. When he asked if they were allowed to in America, the first suspect and our lady proved that they were by withdrawing $700 cash. "You are even allowed to have money in more than one bank," the woman stated. "This is America, not Africa."

The woman let the twosome hitch a ride with her, and they drove to a second bank where she withdrew an additional $500. In Africa, one man stated, such actions could lead to being "chased by a dog," reports add. The inquisitive duo then asked to hold onto the $1,200 in amassed cash while they entered a nearby McDonalds. Why? They wanted to know that they were "trusted by the victim," reports state.

Of course, the strangers never returned, leaving our lady cashless. She thought the men were "walking around the parking lot as a test of trust," reports state. Mark this author's words: Trust no one. feedback@orlandoweekly.com

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