Oct. 28, 10:54 P.M.: What's worse than waking up with a hangover? Waking up with a hangover and a 2-inch stab wound on your right thigh. Officer Williams was dispatched to the 5000 block of Rosamond Drive in reference to "a stabbing call," reports state. The officer spoke with the 24-year-old victim, who was "extremely intoxicated and unable to provide me with any details of the incident." It appears that an unknown suspect stabbed the drunk at an unknown location "somewhere between the Citgo gas station on North Orange Blossom Trail and the 5000 block of Rosamond Drive."

With thick tongue, the victim assured the officer that he wanted to press charges against someone, though he couldn't relate what had happened in a written statement. He was transported to Orlando Regional Medical Center (ORMC) for a non-life-threatening injury. End of story? Nope: "While at ORMC, the victim became extremely belligerent and would not cooperate with medical personnel."

Oct. 30, 6:24 P.M.: Officer Brewster was dispatched to the 1700 block of Flores Court in reference to a residential burglary; she met with our 55-year-old victim, who stated that she indeed owned the property, but was hoping to close on the sale of it the next day — Halloween. She hadn't been on the property since Oct. 11 and it appears, in her absence, suspect(s) unknown made themselves at home. The victim assured the officer that when she last left the property, all the doors and windows were secured.

The victim's son found that people had been using the supposedly unoccupied residence when he came to show the place to the buyer. A brief inspection revealed a laundry list of disturbances: "Her son noticed that someone had been sleeping there, because there were blankets on the floor and the stove had been used. The toilets were also stopped up and the shower curtain was missing. On a corner wall near the bathroom was a small dent in the sheetrock. There were handprints on the walls, which had been freshly painted. The dryer had black marks inside of it, possibly from shoes, and the dryer was brand-new," reports state. Damage to the dryer and wall is estimated at $100.

Officer Brewster's investigation revealed that there was a window left unlocked. She then canvassed the area and spoke with neighbors. The neighbor across the street stated she saw four teenagers hanging out in the driveway Oct. 28 at around 11 p.m.; more specifically, three females and one male. The officer thinks the residence was being used as a shelter, but that theory doesn't account for the clogged toilet; a harem might.

Oct. 31, 11:10 P.M.: Officers Hinkles and Lanfersiek were dispatched to the 800 block of West Central Boulevard in reference to a commercial alarm. It appears suspect(s) unknown chucked a cement block through the window of the Christian Service Center, entered the building through the broken window — cutting themselves in the process — and then exited the building through unknown means. The 52-year-old complainant inspected the scene and found nothing missing, but wishes to prosecute for the broken window. Estimated damage to window: $75.

Nov. 1, 8:40 A.M.: Officer Lopez spoke with a 37-year-old victim in reference to a commercial burglary on the 1200 block of West Washington Street. Some time between 8 p.m. Oct. 31, when the victim locked up the building for the evening, and 8 a.m. Nov. 1, suspect(s) unknown used a tool of some sort to cut the fence's wire bars, and then hopped another fence to gain access to the property. They caused $200 in damage by cutting the fence.

Once inside the yard, the perp(s) didn't take any of the merchandise lying about or try to gain access to the main building. So what did they take? We hope you're sitting down: "Unknown suspect(s) took a Rottweiler dog he had in the back yard of the business," reports state. Not only did they take the $1,000 dog without leaving any blood or body parts behind, "the owner stated there was another dog in the yard who appeared to have been beaten by the unknown suspect(s)," reports state. Bastard(s).

Nov. 1, 9:44 P.M.: Officers Vann and Costa were conducting their foot patrols in the 1400 block of Mercy Drive at the Palm Apartments. They received a call from dispatch and made their way back to their patrol cars. "Upon getting to our vehicles, I noticed approximately four black males," the report states. "Three of the subjects continued walking westbound toward us, and the fourth subject (black male, hair in short twists, black shirt, and dark shorts and pants) began to run eastbound toward the Peppertree Apartments," reports state.

The officers continued walking to their vehicles. As they got closer, the situation became clear: Someone had just smashed out the passenger-side windows on both patrol cars. Next to one of the tires rested a squared log that was apparently used in the vandalism. Even the cops aren't safe from crime in Orlando.

Officer Vann sighted suspect No. 4 mentioned above, but the possible perp fled the scene upon sight of the officer. The officers called out the K-9 unit, and they tracked the suspect's scent up to the rear fence of the apartment complex. "At this time there are no other witnesses or suspects to this crime," reports state. This case should provide a fun conversation with the lieutenant in charge. Estimated damage to the vehicles: $500 for each window.


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