POLICE BEAT 


;JAN. 26, 12:49 P.M.: What happens when you leave ladders in the back yard? Strangers climb them.

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;The owner of an unoccupied residence in the 1000 block of West Yale Street learned this lesson the hard way. Upon eyeballing the gateway to heaven, a suspect or suspects hopped on and ascended, step by step, to the home's second floor. There, the perp(s) slipped through a set of unlocked — go figure — double doors and into an outlaw heaven, leaving with a $2,000 Trane air handler, cut right out of where it'd been installed.

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;"An air handler is an important part of your home's comfort system," states www.trane.com. Moral of the story: ladders in the garage, people.

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;JAN. 27, 5:26 P.M.: A 29-year-old woman and her two kiddies, ages 6 months and 3 years, were all nestled on their apartment's living-room sofa in the 5500 block of Arnold Palmer Drive. Quality family time ceased, however, when someone scissor-kicked the front door wide open.

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;Freaked out, of course, mama promptly stood up and faced the open doorway, where three sets of male peepers peered right back at her. At this point, one might have expected the trio of burglars to barge right in, help itself to a new TV set, a refrigerator stocked with groceries or even mom's pocketbook. Nah. Instead, one of the dudes uttered the following, according to police reports:

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;"Oh shit."

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;Someone, apparently, had the wrong address.

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;The threesome swiftly fled northbound, weaving in and out of the apartment complex buildings, until completely out sight. The doorway sustained $100 worth of damage due to a screwed-up jamb plate and lock bolt — cruddy, but repairable.

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;JAN. 28, 8:42 A.M.: Citizens of Orlando, we can no longer consider ourselves safe in hotel rooms, apparently.

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;An 80-year-old lady and her hubby checked into a hotel in the 6600 block of International Drive for a weekend conference. They chose to dine out one evening, like tourists do, and hopped straight into bed after supper. When the wife awoke bright and early Sunday morning, she reached over to her purse for a pair of glasses, except the purse, my friends, was gone.

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;Let's review the facts. The missus left her bag in the room while out dining, returned with her husband and went straight to sleep. "There was no forced entry," police reports state, "nor had the room been disturbed in any way when they returned last night or this morning." Hmm.

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;That leaves us with a few possibilities: An employee with a room key could have slipped inside during the night or while our duo dined and heisted the handbag; this lady misplaced it herself; or I-Drive's hotels are haunted. At any rate, whoever gained possession of the purse scored a sweet pair of $350 sunglasses and a $150 silver compass.

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;JAN. 28, 8:07 P.M.: A 24-year-old man was hanging out with his buds, drinking booze on Randall Street near Albany Avenue, when two men dressed in dark, hooded sweatshirts emerged from the shadows with concealed faces. Not good.

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;"Freeze!" one of the strangers screamed, police reports state. It probably would have been a good idea to obey the dude's command — at least for the moment, anyway. But the 24-year-old was in no mood to take orders. He did just the opposite of freezing by turning around and sprinting toward South Westmoreland Drive. The result? A bullet wound to his upper right bicep.

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;While resting on his mattress moments later at the Orlando Regional Medical Center, the man signed a declination to prosecute, instead of seeking revenge on the man who put a hole in his arm.

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;Upon being released from the hospital, reports add, it was discovered that he had "an outstanding warrant for Violation of Probation and was arrested."

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;JAN. 29, 4:58 P.M.: A blue-eyed man, 39, drove near the intersection of Curry Ford Road and Semoran Boulevard. As he rolled down Curry Ford toward Terre CIA Avenue in his silver 2005 Chevrolet Corvette, he spotted a group of approximately 12-to-15-year-old kids in blue Community Education Partners polo shirts and khaki pants. They were being vewy naughty.

;;One of the juniors pelted the poor man's hot wheels with the rock in his sweaty palm. It must have taken all the strength in the world, this author imagines, not to turn around and bitchslap that punk right in the face. The rock chipped the car's paint and scratched it, creating approximately $500 worth of damage. Our victim did, however, state he'd be able to identify the child, and will because he drives through that area daily.

;; According to www.communityeducation;partners.com, "CEP makes schools safer by removing disruptive and low-performing students from district classrooms," then "returning them to their district classrooms disciplined and ready to learn." Unfortunately, it doesn't remove them from street corners.

; feedback@orlandoweekly.com

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