POLICE BEAT 


JUNE 19, 11:30 P.M.: Late this starry evening, a 21-year-old man strolled the 2800 block of West Colonial Drive. Little did he know such a peaceful stroll would end in dismemberment.

Two strangers — both dudes — crossed paths, one sporting a red T-shirt and the other rolling himself along in a wheelchair. But they didn't keep going. They stopped, rather, to harass our strolling male. No fancy pistols were drawn nor bricks employed to injure the man before emptying his pockets. This duo preferred a much more theatrical mode of attack: yanking off a prosthetic leg and whacking the man in the head with it. They then took his wallet, cash, various identification cards, beer and hopefully, their fake leg, too.

JUNE 22, 8:17 P.M.: A 14-year-old girl left her residence on Cape Cove Boulevard, but decided to head back when she realized she'd forgotten something. A surprise awaited her.

While scrounging for the forgotten item in her bedroom, a barefoot man in red shorts and a white T-shirt — approximately 50 years of age — stopped by to greet the girl. Of course, one does not expect a stranger who breaks into folks' homes to greet little girls in traditional fashion. The visitor unzipped his britches, exposing Mr. Slippery Sam to the poor teen. She screamed in horror. The exhibitionist told her to "shut up," police reports state, whereupon she socked him so hard he ran off as speedily as his bare feet could go.

The lass will prosecute, but refused to testify, reports add.

JUNE 23, 12:14 P.M.: What happens when petrol gets too pricey? You filch that sweet juice.

That's what the following group of naughty strangers did, cruising over to a gas station in the 4300 block of North Pine Hills Road to refuel their rides. But the station employees began getting mighty suspicious when they realized it had been a while since someone had come inside to pay up. That's when they noticed one of the suspects "passing the gas nozzle between the islands," police reports state. In the midst of brutal noon heat, the overflowing lines of traffic occupying pumps No. 2 and No. 4 stealthily sucked undetermined amounts of gasoline from nozzles, until a witness flipped the master switch. Once they'd been cut off to the sweet vehicular nectar, reports add, our suspect in charge gathered the group of gas guzzlers and said, "Meet at the next station." That caravan of cars was last seen heading northbound on Pine Hills Road.

Any leads? Though the manager was unable to provide video, reports state, clerks stated a man "did come in and purchase $3 worth of gas prior to the discovery of the theft."

JUNE 23, 6:22 P.M.: The 47-year-old owner of a dentistry business in the 2700 block of East South Street was having a rocky time with his girlfriend, 30. The longtime couple, who'd been living together in the gal's house, split. The dentist chose to move out of her home and into his mama's. To make things spicier, the ex-girlfriend had been working out of her house for his dentistry business. The molar-puller specifically changed the locks to his business when she started making threatening phone calls, begging him to come back home. Finally, she called him at work and "stated she was going to tear the business apart," police reports state.

After calling several associates to conduct a business check later that day, tooth man learned it was all too late: The woman's vengeful wrath had already taken its toll. It appears as if the lady broke into a shed in the north parking lot, extracted various screwdrivers, and then used them to open a bathroom window. Inside the business, three framed photos were shattered and a few dental casts knocked onto the floor. Damages are estimated to be approximately $20,000.

Shagging one's employees has consequences.

JUNE 23, 11:29 P.M.: A man, 55, and his wife, 44, were looking to sell their European café in the 900 block of North Mills Avenue. Upon arriving at the restaurant, wifey noted their real estate agent was already there, showing it off to prospective buyers who had been there several times before. The buyers asked her if they could examine the storage room, located outside the back door, and she went to retrieve the key. What's fishy: A key that secures the back gate's padlock, in turn securing the area where the storage room lies, was missing. She thought nothing of it because the gate was still locked. She'd regret that.

When the final customer left that evening, hubby and wife entertained close friends within the eatery. But upon stepping back outside, she noticed both the padlock and chain were gone now. The missing gems include her husband's suit, numerous cuts of meat, frozen french fries, vegetables, a meat slicer and a sandwich presser, valued at approximately $1,800, police reports state.

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