(2008-504010) 9:19 a.m.: There's a second-tier video store on Semoran Boulevard that should consider investing in an alarm system. A half-hour after the store closed up the night before, someone broke in and loaded up video games, movies and "an office safe full of cash." If memory serves, this isn't the first time this store has appeared in this column.
(2008-504077) 10:21 a.m.: This week's flat-screen television theft happened at an apartment complex leasing office with an unlocked window.
(2008-504647) 5:02 p.m.: A question for movie buffs: What's the best cinematic bank robbery in movie history? I tossed that question to Weekly film editor Justin Strout, who babbled incessantly, as fanboys do. "Rififi (1955): The movie goes silent, as the robbers do, for a good 30 minutes. You could hear a sweat bead drop. Heat (1995): The most balls-out blowout in the history of film. Later was played out in real life in the famous and tragic L.A. bank robbery in which the guys had the supercharged guns and just marched down the road blowing away cops. Dog Day Afternoon (1975): True story of a gay guy robbing a bank to pay for his lover's sex change operation. He got there after the cash drop, so there wasn't a lot to steal but an epic standoff followed. ATTICA! ATTICA! The Dark Knight (2008): An elaborate heist specifically designed to unveil the Joker at his wildest, it took us over IMAX'd rooftops and into immediate panic. Die Hard (1988): Never forget, they weren't terrorists. They were bank robbers."
Dude, you totally forgot Point Break (1991): The hilariously douchetastic Keanu Reeves and other surfer dudes in ex-president masks rob banks with automatic weapons then skydive their way to freedom or something.
Anyway, this real-life robbery is hardly as exciting. A nondescript 40-something walked into a bank and handed the teller a note instructing her to give him money or he'll kill her. She gave him money. He left.
(2008-505003) 8:35 p.m.: A traffic stop produced 100 Xanax pills and a driver who's probably had better days.
(2008-505236) 10:44 p.m.: Another traffic stop produced a gram and a half of cocaine, five grams of pot and three arrests.
(2008-505865) 2 a.m.: A suspect "held the victim inside her car by her hair, firing several shots out of the vehicle and one through the vehicle from inside." At some point he got out of the car and our alert victim floored it. The gunman fired another shot at the car. The cops nabbed him shortly thereafter. Jail.
(2008-505749) 4:37 a.m.: Someone fired four shots into an occupied RV on Universal Boulevard. Why?
(2008-505855) 7:58 a.m.: You can also steal flat-screen TVs from restaurants. (2008-506813) 8:53 p.m.: A perp broke into a maintenance shed to steal tools.
(2008-507263) 12:28 a.m.: Officer Dunlap was trying to break up a fight outside a downtown nightclub when someone hit him. That someone spent the evening in jail.
(2008-507680) 5:45 a.m.: Police Beat Badass o' the Week honors go to a 20-year-old victim who was held up for about $800 in cash while working on his car near the intersection of Poppy Avenue and Raleigh Street (although maybe carrying $800 around in that neighborhood isn't a grand idea). Over to you, Officer Overfield: "The victim was able to grab the gun, turn it away from his direction, and during the struggle, the suspect was shot twice in the abdominal area." The suspect fled and drove off in a black SUV that's probably in need of some upholstery cleaning.
(2008-507697) 6:15 a.m.: "The victim heard a loud noise and noticed her trash can in her carport was on fire."
(2008-507757) 8:26 a.m.: This was one of five car burglaries in a neighborhood earlier that morning. Two of the cars had unlocked doors; the rest had smashed windows.
(2008-508609) 8:56 p.m.: Officer McNutt — ha! — pulled up to an army supply store on North Orange Blossom Trail and noticed a damaged bay door and a cinder block nearby. Then three men darted from the bushes and made a run for it. McNutt — giggle — was unable to catch them.
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