(2010-148336) 4:12 a.m.: Someone broke the glass door on Las Primas Meat Market on Winter Rose Drive and snatched several packs of Newport cigarettes, but didn't take any money. They probably would've just spent it on smokes anyway.
(2010-149822) 10 p.m.: A guy was at the corner of Frazier Avenue and Lily Street when someone hopped out of a red truck and pulled a gun. The guy ran and got shot in the back. But he hitched a ride to the hospital — not in the red truck — and got away with minor injuries.
(2010-150477) 12: 01 a.m.: Surely no one would be so mean as to steal an old woman's silver collectible spoons, would they? Down in the 400 block of East Pine Street, yes, they would.
(2010-150323) 6:25 a.m.: Somebody climbed a six-foot fence topped with barbed wire at United Site Services on South Orange Blossom Trail and forced open a bathroom door. Nothing was taken. Maybe the burglar just needed to leave something instead.
(2010-154028) 10 a.m.: Vandals pried open a porch panel on an empty house in the 500 block of Wavecrest Drive, and once inside they smashed holes in walls, splashed paint around, and broke the stairs, mirrors and thermostat. April foul!
(2010-159518) 11 a.m.: Someone cut the copper coils out of a man's air conditioner in the 700 block of Springdale Road, ruining the $6,000 unit.
(2010-153167) 9:05 p.m.: Two guys in ski masks pulled a gun at the Citgo on Lake Margaret Drive, took the money and ran.
(2010-153437) 12:10 a.m.: A man told police that a mugger hit him and tried to take … something. He wouldn't say what and wouldn't press charges. So why bother reporting it, dude?
(2010-153976) 3:30 a.m.: Two guys cut through the gate behind Sam's Supermarket on Columbia Street and stole metal shelves worth $1,500. Members of the Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things are suspected.
(2010-154712) 6:19 p.m.: Cops used the excuse of a turn-without-signaling to stop a bicyclist on West Jefferson Street. They say he had 19 pieces of crack inside a ChapStick container in his pocket, and took the $478.20 he had on him. He was charged with having drugs with "intent to sell" within 1,000 feet of a place of worship. What, can't they keep pastors off the stuff?
(2010-154758) 7:35 p.m.: While doing a traffic stop in the 900 block of South Kirkman Road, police noticed a "suspicious bulge" in the passenger's pants. "Passenger was found to be in possession of 85.7 grams (3 ounces) in his groin area," Officer Paul Foster reports. Three ounces of what? Ummm … nevermind. Don't answer that.
(2010-155422) 2:14 a.m.: One man threatened another with a loaded gun at Crickets on South Semoran Boulevard, but it doesn't seem to have impressed anyone all that much: "After a brief struggle, the subject was secured and the handgun was eventually retrieved," Officer Jason Engelhardt says.
(2010-155607) 5:24 a.m.: A car thief tried to run down a cop and his dog in the 4400 block of Medallion Drive, bailed out shortly afterward and was soon tackled in Rosemont Community Center park. He faces a load of charges.
(2010-156415) 5:30 p.m.: Police answering a home invasion call in the 5100 block of Letha Street found two men coming out of the house. They told the one in batting gloves to get on the ground, and the other to get back inside. Inside the house officers found a stolen gun and picked up one man on outstanding warrants for attempted murder, robbery and failure to register as a sex offender.
(2010-156896) 11:30 p.m.: A man told police he was walking through Sky Pines Apartments on North Lane when his drug dealer knocked him around, took his keys and $25. You just can't trust anyone these days.
(2010-157210) 2:13 a.m.: A guy said he was walking through a parking lot in the tens block of North Garland Avenue when he was jumped by a bunch of others. They beat him unconscious, took two shots at him and sped off in a Chevy Impala.
(2010-158183) 8:41 p.m.: A guy cleaning his gun in the 7300 block of Mardell Court "became distracted" and blew a hole in his left palm.
(2010-158867) 8 a.m.: Somebody stole roofing tile from Steppi Roofing on Old Winter Garden Road. Makes sense.
(2010-159486) 8:30 a.m.: Someone sawed off aluminum railings and a handrail, and pinched off copper tubes from an air conditioner, at Stage Equipment And Lighting on 36th Street, but they left some railings and air conditioners untouched for the next guy. How generous.
(2010-160135) 11:40 p.m.: Insecurity at the Security Inn! This time a bandit made it inside the West Colonial Drive hotel, roughed up the clerk and took off on foot — carrying the whole cash email@example.com
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