GI Joe: Retaliation This one was pulled from the summer 2012 release slate at the last possible second, because it allegedly committed the cardinal sin of offing the suddenly ubiquitous Channing Tatum in the first reel. (Preview audiences who were asked “Would you like to have seen more of Duke?” responded with a hearty “Yes, in a jockstrap and standing next to Matthew McConaughey, also in a jockstrap.”) Now, almost a year later, the movie has been reworked to incorporate lots more Tatum, its release next week is a sure thing, and the airwaves are being blanketed with ads that carefully spotlight … Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson. Yeah, enjoy every dollar you make, guys. (PG-13) – Steve Schneider
The Host It’s unfortunate that so many people seem to confuse Mormonism and Scientology, when they’re actually almost nothing alike. For example: Author Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon. Her book The Host is about an alien race taking over the bodies of humans, which is a central tenet of Scientology. Everybody clear now? Good. (And see what I did just there? “Clear?” Nyuk nyuk nyuk.) Starring in this adaptation of Meyer’s non-Twilight best seller is Saoirse Ronan, ready to inherit the Kristen Stewart mantle of slouching sullenly through interviews and awards shows. Start pruning that Vitamin B-12 from your diet now, Saoirse! (PG-13) – SS
Tyler Perry’s Temptation Movie history is all but defined by the fruitful partnerships between great directors and the actors who served as their muses. Frank Capra and Jimmy Stewart. John Ford and John Wayne. Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro. To that list, we can now add the creative power couple of … Tyler Perry and Kim Kardashian? Yes, Temptation represents an artistic summit meeting between titans of the checkout aisle, and thus a sort of cultural nexus point for Everything That’s Wrong With Everything. The story is ostensibly a neo-buppie examination of money and unfaithfulness, but it’s the inevitable morning-show clips of Perry praising Lil’ Kim’s unexpected dramatic focus that cinema buffs will be savoring decades from now. (PG-13) – SS
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