Opening in Orlando: Magic Mike XXL, Terminator: Genisys 

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Magic Mike: XXL Now that's how you title a sequel. What was the runner-up Magic Mike: The Next Dick? Or Phallus Doesn't Live Here Anymore? Anyway, good taste and subtlety once again prevail as Hollywood revisits the hit that made your aunt feel deliriously dirty before she could even name 30 shades of grey. And nobody's taking any chances in the plot department, relying instead on that hoary old staple of the "reunion/retirement tour" that brings our weenie-wagging heroes back together for one last run. Hey, it worked for the Who and Danny Glover about seven times apiece! I can't wait to hear Channing Tatum groan "I'm gettin' too old for this dick" – moments before an acid bomb planted by a Latino drug cartel blows his dressing room to smitheroonies. For this go-'round, Steven Soderbergh has ceded the director's chair to longtime artistic partner Gregory Jacobs, whose work on the acclaimed Behind the Candelabra you should in no way take as evidence that the Magic Mike series is aimed at anything other than normal, red-blooded heterosexual females. Oh, nonono. Heaven forfend. (Pssst: I hear the next one's gonna be in IMAX 3D.) (R)

Terminator: Genisys Wow, you mean that DP got in Christian Bale's eyeline for nothing? Six years after the 'roid-rage outburst heard 'round the world, Terminator Salvation has been all but written off as a sad folly; James Cameron is even calling Genisys "the best Terminator movie since T2." (Gosh, that's gonna deal a serious blow to McG's career. He'll never get a single-season FX series now!) In the latest installment of the franchise, the timeline we followed in the first film gets as corrupted as a Secret Service agent's favorite Colombian hooker. Familiar events are altered, major players get to meet their younger selves, and Leonardo DiCaprio's character from Inception even shows up to throw down a second spinning top, just to really give the first-semester undergrads in the audience something to argue about over bong swats. Or so we could only hope, since messing with the time-space-corporate continuum in such a bold, copyright-defying fashion is about all that could rescue the entire "repeal and reboot" genre from its ever-worsening rote-ness. Be honest: How much would you pay to see 12 Monkeys Visit the Planet of the Apes? More than chimp change, that's for sure. (PG-13)


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