Jem and the Holograms A friend of mine works in an office with a lot of millennials, which is why she was recently afforded the delightful experience of hearing one of her co-workers query if the Jem and the Holograms movie is "based on something old." (Why, yes it is. Know what's even older? The back of my hand!) Meanwhile, fans of the mid-'80s cartoon series are worrying that the movie will stray too far from canon. Sounds like a perfect storm of cross-demographic dissatisfaction comin' right atcha. As for supporting players Juliette Lewis and Molly Ringwald, I'm sure they're just glad to be here (i.e., anywhere). (PG)
The Last Witch Hunter Having directed the bomb Sahara, Breck Eisner should be box-office poison. But being Michael Eisner's kid, he still gets "attached" to a variety of largely hypothetical projects, including dreaded remakes of Escape From New York and The Karate Kid. One picture he actually saw to the finish line is The Last Witch Hunter, in which Vin Diesel plays an immortal hero tasked with stopping a coven of crones bent on ravaging New York. Wow, the best elements of Highlander II and Ghostbusters II, all in one package; Eisner's a shoo-in to direct that Maid to Order reboot now. (PG-13)
Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension Jesus, they're still making these? Well, sort of: Paramount swears Ghost Dimension is the final chapter in the found-footage franchise (I know, I know: Tell it to Robert Englund). More significantly, your options for catching the flick are going to be narrower this Halloween season, since a number of chains have refused to show a feature that's going to be available on VOD only 17 days later. Hey, it's still twice the production schedule on these things! (R)
Rock the Kasbah So this is why Obama wants us to stay in Afghanistan forever: so burned-out rock managers like Richie Lanz (Bill Murray) can scour the country for fresh new talent. I don't know if I'm seeing the Murray of today as an Idolmaker type, though; sure, the Murray of the Jerry Aldini era would have filled the bill nicely, but that was well before he discovered Wes Anderson and oxycodone. And while Barry Levinson has done some fine work, I don't know if he has the directorial voltage to shock Murray back to life at this late stage – certainly not enough to compete with the single greatest music manager ever depicted on film, Howie Gold's Guy Friesch in Fear of a Black Hat. (Watch it again!) (R)
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