Burnt American Sniper's Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller reunite to tell the otherwise dissimilar – or is it? – tale of a disgraced chef given a second chance at success and love. I say "or is it" because you've never seen sniping like that between rival restaurateurs. Remember when a certain Winter Park sushi establishment called code enforcement on one of its nearby competitors and managed to get the place shut down forever? Well, that's just one of the dick moves Cooper's character has on his own résumé in this new flick. And I'm supposed to care if he can get back in the culinary world's good graces and convince Miller to polish his salad fork? I think not. Wake me when there's a movie about Ronald McDonald, because that sucker kicked the Burger Chef's ass fair and square. (R)
Our Brand Is Crisis Into the year of Everest and The Walk comes yet another dramatic feature that picks the bones of a real-life story already covered in a high-profile documentary. Once again, we get to witness a canny political consultant from James Carville's team convince the people of a South American country not to vote for a socialist candidate they're stupid enough to think they prefer. (Boy, thank God nobody close to Carville could ever pull off that kind of stunt here.) If you're wondering why you shouldn't just rent the 2005 doc of the same name the next time you wanna Netflix and not chill, director David Gordon Green and co-producer George Clooney have an answer for you: Sandra Bullock. She always makes you sit up and take notice, right? I mean, she's even gotten you engaged in subject matter you never could have imagined caring about, like space exploration and black teenagers. (R)
Room This is really shaping up to be Involuntary Confinement Year at the Enzian. Earlier in 2015, Maitland's favorite arthouse gave us The Wolfpack, about a bunch of kids who had never been let out of their downtown Manhattan apartment. Now we have Room, in which a mother fashions an entire reality for her 5-year-old within a cramped, windowless space they are forbidden to leave. Hey, sounds like a New York apartment to me! (R)
Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse Look, there's no telling which portrayals will and won't go down in zombie history. I mean, one of the name guests at this weekend's Spooky Empire convention is the guy who played the Hare Krishna zombie in the original Dawn of the Dead! So when a movie like Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse comes out that features both zombie strippers and what BloodyDisgusting endearingly refers to as "a zombie granny gum[ming] some dude's ass" ... well, let's just say I have at least a working idea of which autographs I'm going to be shelling out 50 bucks for a few decades from now. (R)
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