HAPPYTOWN 


;Scuttlebutt from the Fringe Festival: We hear that Mayor Buddy Dyer (pictured, getting a smooch from a drag queen) wasn't going to come to the opening-night party in person until someone threatened to pull his "welcome" spiel from the official program. We also hear that he told the gathered he was a Fringe first-timer, when in fact he'd been at the opening celebration before, in 2003. He must have had a good time.

;;We've gone on and on and on about the ineptitude of the Metropolitan Bureau of Investigation, Central Florida's bumbling vice cops, yet they're still out there sniffing G-strings, testing drinks and trying to catch somebody doing something naughty. We want something done. Something like, oh, filing a complaint about the MBI with the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. Wait a minute … Steve Mason has already done that!

;;Mason, an attorney for Cleo's Gentleman's Club and a burr in the MBI's saddle, asked the FDLE to investigate whether or not MBI agents improperly destroyed evidence while building a case against Cleo's [see "Operation overexposed," Sept. 22]. During their investigation, undercover MBI agents would take notes while at the strip club by calling their own voice mail via cell phone and leaving messages, which they would transcribe later.

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;;Mason saw the investigation notes, but he wanted to hear the original source tapes. There's something untrustworthy about an agency whose cops paid dancers for live sex shows outside Rachel's in 2003, and who, in the Cleo's investigation, admitted to drinking while undercover.

;;But the cops had destroyed the tapes. When asked why, they said they didn't know they were supposed to keep them (which they are, by law). Here's a snippet from a deposition Mason took from MBI agent James Carlies Jr., a 17-year police veteran:

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;"Q: Have you ever looked at Chapter 119 of the Florida Statutes to see what the definition of a public record is?

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;A: No, sir."

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;Ladies and gentleman, the MBI's finest.

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;Can art be too lewd for Lewd Nite? Yes, says the artist currently known as "Fue" (real name: Andrew Dezarmo).

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;;Regular readers of this column will recall how excited we were May 11 to announce the inaugural Lewd Nite, an art show held May 13-15 at AKA Lounge conceived, designed and constructed to offend.

;; It was a big hit, and organizers plan to do it again. "The show was wonderful," says co-organizer Suzan Elizabeth. "We had hundreds of people there, we had great music, we had live body painting on a drop-dead gorgeous girl."

;;But Fue went away fuming. He put together a collage of pictures showing his naked wife … umm … pleasuring him orally. The photos were shot with a disposable camera through colored tissue paper, so, you see, there's no way you'd confuse it with garden-variety smut.

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;Fue says he got into the spirit of the event and created something offensive. "I took my time with it, but I don't know if it was the most artistic thing in the world."

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;And, he says he got approval of the idea in advance. But on opening night, his masterpiece was nowhere to be found. So he took the liberty of hanging it himself. Then he got kicked out. Then he put on a little one-man display of the work on the sidewalk in front of AKA.

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;"It was hypocritical," he says.

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;Elizabeth confirms that she was "totally and absolutely" offended by Fue's artistic statement. And that's a good thing "because that is what Lewd Nite is about," she adds. But that's not why she pulled it. The photos were glued to a piece of cardboard, there was a string on the back to hang it, and it was unframed. In other words, she says, it wasn't competently presented. "I don't think he actually understood what it took to have a professional piece of art in a professional art show," she says. "That was the only problem. It had nothing to do with the content."

;;So what we've gathered from all this is that if you want the world to see shots of your spouse in action, make sure to put them in a frame, and wire the back for convenient hanging.

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;A dozen or so activists got together at Jay Blanchard Park May 20 to stop violence against women. Big, amorphous task; small group, right? Indeed. But these folks were so determined that they knocked on doors with their message. Then they had a potluck.

;;The good news, and the point of this item, is that many of these folks represent a new chapter of NOW (National Organization for Women) that has revived that moribund group in Orlando.

;;Sarah Miller was one of the activists there on behalf of NOW Orlando, which only weeks earlier was sanctioned as an official campus group at University of Central Florida. NOW Orlando itself was only resuscitated in spring of last year after a long spell of having no presence in Orlando, other than the rarely heard-from Winter Park chapter.

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SEMI-REGULAR FEATURE:

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DEAR BUDDY: REAL E-MAILS FROM THE MAYOR'S INBOX

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;What were you thinking with this new garbage pick up system in the historic district? Yesterday this ugly giant black plastic thing showed up in my driveway. It is bigger than a small refrigerator. I have a very narrow driveway and am handicapped with a broken leg. I know of at least five other people around here that are either advanced in age or are not at the top of the physical fitness game that will not be able to handle these black giants. I usually have one or two kitchen bag sacks, which would barely fill up the very bottom of these new containers. There is no way I can maneuver this giant to the street by myself. I refuse to beg my neighbors to help me with something I have been able to do by myself until now.

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;I will continue to take my garbage, neatly packaged to the curb. If you won't pick it up, I will not be able to solve the problem. When I called the garbage department I was told that they may get some smaller bins in the future. I will still have the same problem with maneuvering and finding space for a cumbersome object on wheels.

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;I am angry that no one even asked if such a system would work before all that money on bins and new trucks was spent. I don't think to goal of making it easier for the garbage men to pick the garbage is the goal. So if no other solution for my problem is available, I will continue to do my best to get the garbage sacks to the curb. If they won't pick it up, it will just have to clutter up the neighborhood.

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;Patricia Hamilton

;;;

 

This week's report by Lindy T. Shepherd and Bob Whitby.

; happytown@orlandoweekly.com

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