ARIES (March 21-April 19) “A good story should make you laugh, and a moment later break your heart,” wrote Chuck Palahniuk in his book Stranger Than Fiction. From what I can tell, Aries, the sequence is the reverse for you. In your story, the disruption has already happened. Next comes the part where you laugh. It may be a sardonic chuckle at first, as you become aware of the illusions you had been under before the jolt exposed them. Eventually I expect you will be giggling and gleeful, eternally grateful for the tricky luck that freed you to pursue a more complete version of your fondest dream.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Taurus musician David Byrne was asked by an interviewer to compose a seven-word autobiography. In response, he came up with ten words: “unfinished, unprocessed, uncertain, unknown, unadorned, underarms, underpants, unfrozen, unsettled, unfussy.” The coming days would be an excellent time for you to carry out similar assignments. I’d love to see you express the essential truth about yourself in bold and playful ways. I will also be happy if you make it clear that even though you’re a work-in-progress, you have a succinct understanding of what you need and who you are becoming.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20) The French word sillage means “wake,” like the trail created behind a boat as it zips through water. In English, it refers to the fragrance that remains in the air after a person wearing perfume or cologne passes by. For our purposes, we will expand the definition to include any influences and impressions left behind by a powerful presence who has exited the scene. In my astrological opinion, Gemini, sillage is a key theme for you to monitor in the coming days. Be alert for it. Study it. It will be a source of information that helps you make good decisions.
CANCER (June 21-July 22) “Cataglottism” is a rarely used English word that has the same meaning as French kissing – engaging in liberal use of the tongue as you make out. But I don’t recommend that you incorporate such an inelegant, guttural term into your vocabulary. Imagine yourself thinking, while in the midst of French kissing, that what you’re doing is “cataglottism.” Your pleasure would probably be diminished. This truth applies in a broader sense, too. The language you use to frame your experience has a dramatic impact on how it all unfolds. The coming week will be an excellent time to experiment with this principle. See if you can increase your levels of joy and grace by describing what’s happening to you with beautiful and positive words.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) This is Correct Your First Impressions Week. It’s a perfect time for you to reevaluate any of your beliefs that are based on mistaken facts or superficial perceptions. Are you open to the possibility that you might have jumped to unwarranted conclusions? Are you willing to question certainties that hardened in you after just a brief exposure to complicated processes? During Correct Your First Impressions Week, humble examination of your fixed prejudices is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. P.S. This is a good time to reconnect with a person you have unjustly judged as unworthy of you.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) This is a good time to free yourself from a curse that an immature soul placed on you once upon a time. I’m not talking about a literal spell cast by a master of the dark arts. Rather, I’m referring to an abusive accusation that was heaped on you, perhaps inadvertently, by a careless person whose own pain made them stupid. As I evaluate the astrological omens, I conclude that you now have the power to dissolve this curse all by yourself. You don’t need a wizard or a witch to handle it for you. Follow your intuition for clues on how to proceed. Here’s a suggestion to stimulate your imagination: Visualize the curse as a dark purple rose. See yourself hurling it into a vat of molten gold.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) The current chapter of your life story may not be quite as epic as I think it is, so my advice may sound melodramatic. Still, what I’m going to tell you is something we all need to hear from time to time. And I’m pretty sure this is one of those moments for you. It comes from writer Charles Bukowski: “Nobody can save you but yourself. You will be put again and again into nearly impossible situations. They will attempt again and again through subterfuge, guise, and force to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly inside. But don’t, don’t, don’t. It’s a war not easily won, but if anything is worth winning then this is it. Nobody can save you but yourself, and you’re worth saving.”
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) The cosmos hereby grants you poetic license to be brazen in your craving for the best and brightest experiences . . . to be uninhibited in feeding your obsessions and making them work for you . . . to be shameless as you pursue exactly and only what you really, really want more than anything else. This is a limited time offer, although it may be extended if you pounce eagerly and take full advantage. For best results, suspend your pursuit of trivial wishes and purge yourself of your bitchy complaints about life.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) At the last minute, Elsa Oliver impulsively canceled her vacation to New York. She had a hunch that something exciting would happen if instead she stayed at her home in England. A few hours later, she got a message inviting her to be a contestant on the UK television show Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?. In the days and weeks that followed, she won the equivalent of $100,000. I’m not predicting anything quite as dramatic for you, Sagittarius. But I do suspect that good luck is lurking in unexpected places, and to gather it in you may have to trust your intuition, stay alert for late-breaking shifts in fate and be willing to alter your plans.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) “The only thing standing between you and your goal,” writes American author Jordan Belfort, “is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” I don’t entirely agree with that idea. There may be other obstacles over which you have little control. But the bullshit story is often more than half the problem. So that’s the bad news, Capricorn. The good news is that right now is a magic moment in your destiny when you have more power than usual to free yourself of your own personal bullshit story.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Is the truth a clear, bright, shiny treasure, like a big diamond glittering in the sunlight? Does it have an objective existence that’s independent of our feelings about it? Or is the truth a fuzzy, convoluted thing that resembles a stream of smoke snaking through an underground cavern? Does it have a different meaning for every mind that seeks to grasp it? The answer, of course, is: both. Sometimes the truth is a glittering diamond and at other times it’s a stream of smoke. But for you right now, Aquarius, the truth is the latter. You must have a high tolerance for ambiguity as you cultivate your relationship with it. It’s more likely to reveal its secrets if you maintain a flexible and cagey frame of mind.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) It’s a good time to indulge in wide-open, high-flying, anything-goes fantasies about love – IF, that is . . . IF you also do something practical to help those fantasies come true. So I encourage you to dream about revolutionizing your relationship with romance and intimacy – as long as you also make specific adjustments in your own attitudes and behavior that will make the revolution more likely. Two more tips: 1. Free yourself from dogmatic beliefs you might have about love’s possibilities; 2. Work to increase your capacity for lusty trust and trusty lust.
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