FEEL FOR THE ROAD 


Blind students required to pass drivers ed

Disabled students not exempt from graduation prerequisite in Chicago

— MSNBC.com headline, March 10, 2006

FINAL EXAM FOR VISION-IMPAIRED STUDENTS
Drivers Ed 101
Cook County Public Schools

Directions: Answer the following questions to the best of your ability. The State of Illinois awards learners permits to blind students scoring 70 or higher on this test, but your high school record will be considered incomplete if you fail. You have 30 minutes. And no looking on your neighbor's paper.

1) Fill in the blank: "Always keep your ____ on the road."

a. Eyes

b. Mind

c. Fingertips

d. Passenger's eyes and/or vital organs

2) Which of the following skills are prospective drivers no longer required to demonstrate?

a. Parallel parking

b. Changing a flat tire

c. The attachment and proper use of jumper cables

d. Locating the ignition with one hand

3) Which of the following signs must always be obeyed?

a. MERGE

b. NO TURN ON RED

c. FALLING ROCKS AHEAD

d. BLIND DRIVERS SLOW LANE ONLY

4) You are getting ready to make a right turn. You should:

a. Stop first and then proceed when it is safe

b. Stop before entering the right lane and let all other traffic go first

c. Slow down or stop, if necessary, and then make the turn

d. Stop, honk your horn, get out of the car, shoot off a signal flare and recite the first three paragraphs of your no-fault insurance policy in a clear, confident voice

5) You cannot park your vehicle:

a. On the side of the freeway in an emergency

b. Next to a red-painted curb

c. Within 100 feet of a school

d. True

6) You must notify the DMV within five days if you:

a. Sell or transfer your vehicle

b. Fail a smog test for your vehicle

c. Develop an unhealthy attraction to your OnStar system

d. Plan to leave your driveway

7) You must obey instructions from school crossing guards:

a. At all times

b. During school hours only

c. Whenever children are present

d. When their panicked cries of "Ohmigod, look at his eyes! Scatter, little ones, scatter!" exceed 120 db

8) You come upon a four-way intersection. From the sounds of screeching tires and honking all around you, it is clear that you have cut someone off. Which popular audio book is the least reliable source to comb for hidden morsels of advice?

a. A Million Little Pieces

b. What the Bleep Do We Know!?™: Discovering the Endless Possibilities for Altering Your Everyday Reality

c. Walter the Farting Dog

d. Brother Ray: Ray Charles' Own Story

9) Always assume:

a. The driver ahead of you can see you clearly in his rearview mirror

b. The driver ahead of you cannot see you clearly in his rearview mirror

c. The driver ahead of you will do the worst possible thing at the worst possible moment

d. There is a driver ahead of you

10) You may cross a double yellow line to pass another vehicle if:

a. The yellow line next to the other side of the road is a solid line

b. The yellow line next to your side of the road is a broken line

c. The yellow line next to the other side of the road is a broken line

d. The good Lord wills it

11) It is a wintry day. The roads are icy. Suddenly, a freak hailstorm breaks out. You should drive slower and turn on your:

a. Interior lights

b. Parking lights

c. Headlights

d. Friends, for encouraging you to live a "normal" life as a disabled American behind the wheel of a broken-down Celica in freakin' Chicago

12) Have you cheated on any part of this test?

a. No

b. Absolutely not

c. Scout's honor

d. Yes

(If "yes," skip remaining questions, quit school and enroll in Interstate Trucking Academy)

13) All right, smartass, if you aren't cheating, how do you know what we just asked you?

a. State-sanctioned "reading buddy"

b. Incredibly bright helper animal can decipher questions and bark them out in Morse code

c. Highly developed sonar sense allows me to "see" sound waves bouncing off printed questions, just like Daredevil

d. Luck of the Irish

14) If the state of Illinois elects to license you as a vision-impaired driver, how soon do you plan to pull up stakes and move to Florida to be with the rest of your kind?

a. Six weeks

b. Immediately after graduation

c. Six months

d. Like I just said, six months. What are you, DEAF?


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